BIOGENESIS EXODUS DEPT.

It was announced today that Alex Rodriguez will be suspended through the end of the 2014 baseball season due to his use of performance-enhancing drugs (and his reported cover-up of that P.E.D. use — which apparently didn’t go so well). While an appeal is inevitable, his cheating-filled legacy appears set — and if he somehow makes it to Cooperstown, we have a pretty good idea what his plaque will look like.

THE EYES OF TAXES ARE UPON YOU DEPT.

SEXT IN THE CITY DEPT.

Disgraced and embarrassed ex-Congressman Anthony Weiner is hinting he’ll run for Mayor of New York City! Let the ridicule begin!

CONFESSIONS OF A COURTROOM DRAMA QUEEN DEPT.

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