• Choreograph a fight scene for the next Transformers movie by watching two aluminum cans in a blender.
• Complain to the neighborhood kids about setting off 4th of July fireworks. Damn those loud explosions!
• Wrestle with transforming the sofa bed back into a sofa.
• Have Megan Fox wash his Ferrari. She needs the money.
Tea Party Presidential candidate Michele Bachmann has once again proved she’s “factually challenged,” this time by confusing the beloved American cowboy actor, John Wayne, with the not-so-beloved psychotic serial killer, John Wayne Gacy. Which public figures is Bachmann most likely to mix-up next? Here are the latest Vegas odds:
• The Central Park Zoo’s famous gay penguins are finally able to tie the knot. • Jeter and A-Rod can finally stop all of the “Sam and Diane” nonsense and just go for it. • The Men’s Wearhouse has doubled its inventory of tuxedos available in women’s sizes. • There was absolutely no noticeable uptick at all in Netflix streams of I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.