Excuses of the Losing Horses at Last Weekend's Belmont Stakes

This past weekend, "I'll Have Another" was scratched from the Belmont Stakes mere hours before race time, ending his run for the Triple Crown and disappointing thousands of degenerate gamblers. With "I'll Have Another" retiring to battle tendonitis and the irony of his name, the odds aren't good that anyone cares about the "Single Crown"-winning "Union Rags" or any of the losing horses, for that matter. To give them one more chance to talk their way out of a one-way trip to the glue factory, we thought we'd give them a chance to offer these...