Oh what a night! Not only is Barack Obama accepting the nomination at the Democratic Nation Convention, but the MTV Video Music Awards is also on! We don’t know which boring televised event to ignore first! But just because we’re not watching, that doesn’t mean we’re not paying attention — which is how we came to notice these…
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The newest issue of Vanity Fair contains an article about Scientology, alleging that the Church held auditions in 2004 to find a wife for Tom Cruise. And with Tommy Boy single again, that means there’s a new opening! Since we would never stand in the way of love (or, for that matter, downwind of it), we’re happy to present another journalistic exclusive.
No Easy Day — the new book about the mission to kill Osama Bin Laden, written by one of the Navy SEALs who was there — is already creating controversy. The author’s account of Bin Laden’s death states that the terrorist leader wasn’t shot by the SEAL team, but shot himself, then was finished off by the soldiers. We don’t quite get what the fuss is about — either way, the story has a happy ending! But this discrepancy does open the door to a bunch of other bombshell revelations!
Oh Lindsay. The full-time train-wreck (and acting hobbyist) was accused this week of stealing $100,000 worth of jewelry and sunglasses from a friend’s house. And it looked like she might actually have to face the music...until the victim decided he didn’t want to press charges.
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie will be giving the keynote speech at the Republican National Convention today — provided Hurricane Isaac doesn’t destroy the state first. (No worries — Rep. Todd Akin insists that a state can “shut things down” in the event of a “legitimate storm.”) Christie is considered a charismatic and entertaining speaker, so it’s hoped that he’ll energize and unite the party before Romney officially gets the nomination.
Yesterday, Lance Armstrong decided to stop contesting the charges that he used performance-enhancing drugs during his career. He still denies that he ever doped, but it still means that he’ll be stripped of his seven Tour De France titles, his Olympic bronze medal and any other titles from 1998 onward (thankfully, he can keep his Latin Grammy). He’ll also have to return all prize money, and will be barred for life from performing or even coaching. That’s all gotta hurt…and it’s not even the worst of it!
Should MAD start a "Point/Counterpoint" feature?
Turns out that what happens in Vegas doesn’t always stay in Vegas — as Prince Harry learned after pictures were leaked of him playing naked billiards in his Sin City hotel room over the weekend. Whoops! It’s still unclear what Harry was doing, or exactly who shared the pics — but if you know the Royal Family, then you know that this type of thing really isn’t that unusual.