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MAD Re-captions NRA Exec. Vice President Wayne LaPierre’s News Conference

IN DEEP SHOOT DEPT.

Abraham Lincoln once said “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” And after a week of silence regarding the tragic shootings in Newtown, CT, the NRA learned that lesson the hard way. This afternoon, NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre held a press conference where he suggested that having armed guards in all schools would prevent something like Newtown from happening again.

The Unabridged NRA Statement

SPIN-SANITY DEPT.

On Tuesday, the National Rifle Association released its first statement regarding the horrific shooting in Newtown, CT. It was brief and concise — mainly because much of the original draft was edited out. Fortunately, a copy of the unabridged version was made available to us.

Susan Rice Withdraws Name for Secretary of State

REVENGE IS A SIDE DISH BEST SERVED COLD DEPT.

U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice withdrew her name for consideration as Secretary of State, following weeks of blistering criticism from Republicans who claimed she deliberately misled them about the American consulate attack in Benghazi, Libya. With lukewarm support coming from the White House, it was a smart move. After all — and especially in D.C. — if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen! 

MAD Magazine Susan Rice a Runnin

Will Paul McCartney Sing for Nirvana Tonight?

A NO COBAIN-ER DEPT.

There are reports that Paul McCartney will front a Nirvana reunion with Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic at tonight’s 12-12-12 Hurricane Sandy Relief Benefit, with Sir Paul standing in for the late Kurt Cobain.Though they are not expected to perform such delightful Nirvana classics as “Dumb” or “Lithium”, the performance may have fans clamoring for more — and we wonder if that could lead to a brand

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