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Don Draper Lines That Were (Wisely) Cut From Season 5 of “Mad Men”

WEINER TAKES ALL DEPT.

Season five of Mad Men has finally come to its conclusion. The show truly brought us back to a simpler time when a man could get by on identity theft, womanizing, and alcoholism alone. But through it all, Don Draper retained his title as the coolest douchebag on television — although it could have gone in a different direction. We obtained some lines cut from the fifth season that, even if he turned up the charm to full blast, Mr. Draper himself couldn't have sold...

Why are Kanye West’s Nike Air Yeezys So Expensive?

SHOE GOOD TO BE TRUE DEPT.

On Saturday, the Air Yeezy 2 will go on sale with a bonkers price tag of $245. But prices on eBay for the Nike/Kanye West collaboration have skyrocketed, with a pair reportedly pre-selling for over 350% of their retail value! That’s almost as inflated as Kanye’s ego! The amount of money people are willing to shell out for the sneakers points either to an economy that is finally getting stronger, or (more likely) that people are just getting dumber.

Expenses for Miley Cyrus' Wedding Day

FOOLS OF ENGAGEMENT DEPT.

Recently, Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth made their engagement public — probably after Hemsworth decided he’d be a doofus if he didn’t get in on those sweet, sweet Disney dollars. Hemsworth bought a 3.5 karat diamond to replace that abstinence “purity ring” she conveniently stopped wearing. The couple has found that planning a wedding is difficult no matter how rich and famous you are (for now). Lucky for us, we’ve obtained a list of the expenses that even the Beverly Hillbillies would hoot and holler over. 

Al-Qaeda's Ayman al-Zawahri Starring in "Drone Alone"

TURBAN LEGEND DEPT.

President Obama’s relentless drone attacks on top Al-Qaeda members have made a real impact, systematically wiping out the top echelon of the terrorist network. Most recently, a missile took out the group’s “number two” man, Abu Yahya al-Libi. And although Abu now gets to live the good (after)life with 72 virgins, he leaves behind the last known leader (and perhaps last remaining member) of Al-Qaeda, Ayman al-Zawahri.

Ways the Queen of England is Celebrating Her 60th Anniversary on the Throne

CROWNING AROUND DEPT.

Queen Elizabeth's Diamond Jubilee is finally upon us! After 60 years of being pampered and waited on hand and foot while doing virtually nothing, she certainly deserves an over-the-top party (in America, she’d just get a reality show on E!).

"New Rules" for the Mets now that Bill Maher is a Part Owner

ANOTHER FINE METS DEPT.

This past weekend, comedian Bill Maher revealed that he bought a 4% interest in the New York Mets. Knowing the outspoken Maher, we expect it's only a matter of time before he begins butting into team affairs and throwing his weight around. Just like on his HBO show, Real Time, Maher will soon begin imposing some ridiculous "New Rules."

Signs That Zombies Do Exist

ZOMBIE DEAREST DEPT.

Recently, the Center for Disease Control reassured the public that despite various cannibal crimes that have occurred lately, there is NOT a virus in existence could result in a zombie apocalypse (seriously). While we’d like to be comforted by this official stance, we also know better than to trust anything the government says! And it actually doesn’t take much investigating to see that the CDC is full of BS.

Surprising Developments in the World Chess Championship Match

BORED GAME DEPT.

Yesterday, Viswanathan Anand successfully defended his title as World Chess Champion by defeating Boris Gelfand. Now, we know what you’re thinking — the only thing more boring than playing chess has got to be watching chess be played. Well that’s where you’re wrong! The match was filled with exciting, surprising events! Don’t get us wrong, it was still boring – but for a chess game, pretty exciting!

Things You Could Have Done with $38 Instead of Buying a Share of Facebook Stock

AN UNFAIR SHARE DEPT.

As shares of Facebook stock continue to fall, many investors are now wringing their hands, ruing the day they paid a whopping $38 per share for Facebook’s Initial Public Offering. With billions lost and the stock now down over 20%, all that investors can do is weep uncontrollably and think about all the great things they could have spent that money on. 

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