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Six New Revelations about the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes Marriage

PRODUCT OF A BROKEN HOLMES DEPT.

Like all of Tom Cruise’s projects, the end of his marriage to Katie Holmes left many upset, unsatisfied, and confused over what the hell happened. The only difference is that while a Cruise movie only lasts about 2 hours, his divorce dragged out in the media for weeks before he and Katie came to terms. And while much about the Cruise/Holmes union is still  shrouded in mystery, we were fortunate enough to dig up some real TomKat dirt! So, if you can’t handle the truth, don’t read:

Which U.S. Job Areas are Growing (and Which are Shrinking)

UNEMPLOYS THE THING DEPT.

Today the U.S. Government released the latest job statistics, citing an 80,000 gain in jobs for the month of June. While at first glance these numbers make it appear as if the entire U.S. economy is at a virtual standstill, in fact there are many sectors within the job market where opportunities abound. Here is a breakdown of some of the job market's biggest growth areas, and a few of its most glaring losers.

Celebrity Tweets from Alec Baldwin's Wedding

SWALLOW THEIR TWITTER FEED DEPT.

Now that the 4th of July has passed and the stray fires from illegal fireworks have been extinguished, and the pungent smell of vomit from Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest at Coney Island is but a fading memory, we have time to reflect on something that took place in New York City this holiday week: the marriage of Alec Baldwin to Hilaria Thomas — a woman not quite half his age.

The Real Reasons Why Ann Curry Was Fired from "The Today Show"

GOOD MOURNING AMERICA DEPT.

Ann Curry has left her co-anchor position on NBC's The Today Show, saying a tearful goodbye to viewers just as NBC execs were saying a tearful goodbye to the show's 852-week streak as morning ratings champ. Officially, Ann was ousted from the position after Good Morning America took the top ratings spot, but who can say what really happened in the fast-and-furious-and-forgettable world of morning TV? We can. 

Obamacare Stands: Music to Liberals’ Ears

FULL COURT MESS DEPT.

The Supreme Court upheld Obamacare today — but NOT along the usual 5-4 split as “experts” predicted. The usual “swing vote,” Justice Kennedy, agreed with reliable right-wing gasbags Scalia, Thomas and Alito. But Chief Justice Roberts punk’d his conservative colleagues by voting with reliable left-wing gasbags Kagan, Kennedy, Sotomayor and Ginsburg.

The Real Reasons John Edwards and Rielle Hunter Split Up

A HAIR TO REMEMBER DEPT.

John Edwards and Rielle Hunter recently announced that they’re ending their relationship. This marks the end of an era of cheating and lies — unless, of course, Edwards decides to reenter politics. Although many claim that Hunter’s newly-released, tell-all memoir was the reason for the split, we just aren’t buying it (the claim or the book).

Things the Supreme Court’s Obamacare Ruling WON’T Change

THE ILL OF THE PEOPLE DEPT.

This Thursday, the Supreme Court will rule on the legality of Obamacare — and while everyone from pundits to politicians to the average underinsured schmoe awaits the verdict anxiously, the truth is that no matter what the court decides, there’s plenty about our crummy healthcare system that will stay exactly the same.  

Arizona’s New Official “Papers, Please” Document

BORDER FOLLY DEPT.

Today, the U.S. Supreme Court struck down much of the harsh immigration law signed by crackpot Arizona Governor Jan Brewer, but left in the controversial “Papers, please” provision allowing police to request documents verifying a civilian’s immigration status. Since we’ll be vacationing anywhere BUT Arizona this year, it won’t affect us, but we realize the rule could impact many who do travel there.

Similarities and Differences Between LeBron James and Michael Jordan

AIR APPARENT DEPT.

Ever since he started playing, LeBron James has been compared to Michael Jordan. But there was one big difference between the two players: Jordan had actually won a freakin’ championship! But after the Miami Heat’s victory last night, LeBron’s hands are ring-free no more! It turns out, however, that that is just the tip of the iceberg! When comparing these two players, the parallels and divergences are as nuanced and intriguing as the plotline to one of MJ’s Hanes commercials.  

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