The Jackson Family has been through a lot. First Grandma Katherine went missing. Then she turned up. But she wound up losing custody of Michael’s three kids. And all the uncles and aunts are fighting about who’d have custody. (Yes, even Tito!) And Michael’s kids were tweeting accusations and complaints about the whole mess. At this point, the Jackson who’s in the best shape may be Michael! Anyway, all this family drama got us thinking about another ridiculous family that’s been in the news lately.
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Recently presumptive presidential nominee Mitt Romney made a holy pilgrimage to Jerusalem, where, just like any other divinely-inspired traveler, he was immediately showered with over a million dollars in campaign donations. Romney even visited the Wailing Wall — world-renowned for its cracks packed with the written prayers of visitors. Always respectful of local customs (and the opportunity to sway impressionable Jewish-American voters), Mitt stuffed in a prayer of his own. The Idiotical has an exclusive look at what Romney wrote on his slip of paper. Don’t believe us?
Yesterday, Twilight star and professional pouter Kristen Stewart admitted to a fling with her Snow White and the Huntsman director, Rupert Sanders. Her on- and off-screen beau, Robert Pattinson, was crushed by this news, as was Stewart’s legion of pre-teen fans who finally got a glimpse at a harsh reality of love that vampire books can never fully illustrate.
Today it was announced that recently-appointed North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has entered the bonds of holy matrimony. Not much is known about the wife, Ri Sol-Ju, besides the fact that she has a thing for round, frowning despots. Although North Korea is a notoriously secretive country, details of the wedding spectacular still seem to be leaking through. Maybe Kim’s drunk uncle Frank accidentally went on a rant to the press. Maybe the wedding cake had a delicious, wire-tap center.
Although the final decision won’t be made until 2013-2014, it’s looking like the NBA is going to start putting corporate logos on team jerseys. Who knows — with this new revenue stream, maybe the league can finally pay LeBron a proper salary (The man has a family to feed, dammit)! On the downside, though, once you start messing with sponsors, things can easily get out of hand.
George Zimmerman, the man accused of killing an unarmed Florida teenager, dropped plans for a second television interview on The View after ABC would not provide a month of “shelter and security” for his family, his attorney said Thursday. What the attorney did not say was that “shelter and security” were only two of the demands made by his client. In fact, Zimmerman had so many demands that insiders say Barbara Walters’ panties were really twisted in a knot. Eewww…
With Jeremy Lin now leaving the Big Apple for Houston, fans of the New York Knicks, who haven’t won an NBA title since the end of the Vietnam War, are filled with meLINncholy. But many others aren’t taking the news so hard.
This past weekend was the San Diego Comic-Con. And while there was plenty to see — there was even more to hear. So prick up your pointy blue Na’vi ears and listen for these…
Recently, it was revealed that Amtrak is a billion dollars in debt. A Billion! With a "B"! Do you have any idea how many tickets they'll have to punch just to get out of that hole? Where did the nation’s most bothersome method of transportation go wrong? Well, luckily for you we have some hunches about how Amtrak actually got itself into this financial train wreck.