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Other Surprises About the Bin Laden Raid Revealed in the Book “No Easy Day”

BIN THERE, DONE THAT DEPT.

No Easy Day — the new book about the mission to kill Osama Bin Laden, written by one of the Navy SEALs who was there — is already creating controversy. The author’s account of Bin Laden’s death states that the terrorist leader wasn’t shot by the SEAL team, but shot himself, then was finished off by the soldiers.  We don’t quite get what the fuss is about — either way, the story has a happy ending! But this discrepancy does open the door to a bunch of other bombshell revelations!

Lindsay Lohan in "Grand Theft LiLo"

YOU DON’T MESS WITH THE LOHAN DEPT.

Oh Lindsay. The full-time train-wreck (and acting hobbyist) was accused this week of stealing $100,000 worth of jewelry and sunglasses from a friend’s house. And it looked like she might actually have to face the music...until the victim decided he didn’t want to press charges.

Governor Chris Christie's Role at the Republican National Convention

GOV MAKES THE WORLD GO ‘ROUND DEPT.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie will be giving the keynote speech at the Republican National Convention today — provided Hurricane Isaac doesn’t destroy the state first. (No worries — Rep. Todd Akin insists that a state can “shut things down” in the event of a “legitimate storm.”) Christie is considered a charismatic and entertaining speaker, so it’s hoped that he’ll energize and unite the party before Romney officially gets the nomination.

Other Punishments for Lance Armstrong

CYCLE KILLER DEPT.

Yesterday, Lance Armstrong decided to stop contesting the charges that he used performance-enhancing drugs during his career. He still denies that he ever doped, but it still means that he’ll be stripped of his seven Tour De France titles, his Olympic bronze medal and any other titles from 1998 onward (thankfully, he can keep his Latin Grammy). He’ll also have to return all prize money, and will be barred for life from performing or even coaching. That’s all gotta hurt…and it’s not even the worst of it!

Other Royal Family Members in the Buff

NO NUDES IS GOOD NEWS DEPT.

Turns out that what happens in Vegas doesn’t always stay in Vegas — as Prince Harry learned after pictures were leaked of him playing naked billiards in his Sin City hotel room over the weekend. Whoops! It’s still unclear what Harry was doing, or exactly who shared the pics — but if you know the Royal Family, then you know that this type of thing really isn’t that unusual.

Todd Akin’s Stupid Rape Comment

RAPE-NUTS DEPT.

When asked recently if victims of rape should be allowed to have an abortion, idiot Congressman Todd Akin (R-Missouri) said that such pregnancies are "really rare.” “If it’s a legitimate rape,” he added, “the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.” The predictable political backlash followed and soon Democrats AND Republicans were re-evaluating his creepy campaign — saying it was time to shut that whole thi

Jay Leno’s Monologue Following The Tonight Show’s Budget Cuts

CHINSANITY DEPT.

It was announced this week that The Tonight Show is making budget cuts — which means not only a pay cut for Jay Leno, but also the loss of 25 jobs on the show. As much as we could argue that the real victims of The Tonight Show are anyone who’s been forced to watch an episode, this is still sad news. And since Jay is a razor-sharp satirist, unafraid to address any topic (including how Trump has a comb-over!), we’ll probably be seeing these jokes on his very show!

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