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MAD Exclusive: Map of the Biggest Gum Owners in Your Neighborhood

FUNNY, YOU DON’T LOOK CHEWISH DEPT.

Taking a cue from Westchester County’s Journal News, which recently published the names and addresses of gun permit-holders in Westchester and Rockland Counties, MAD boldly uses this same exposé technique to focus attention on another problem afflicting Americans of all ages: tooth decay among gum owners. How bad is the situation in your neighborhood?

MAD Re-captions NRA Exec. Vice President Wayne LaPierre’s News Conference

IN DEEP SHOOT DEPT.

Abraham Lincoln once said “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” And after a week of silence regarding the tragic shootings in Newtown, CT, the NRA learned that lesson the hard way. This afternoon, NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre held a press conference where he suggested that having armed guards in all schools would prevent something like Newtown from happening again.

The Unabridged NRA Statement

SPIN-SANITY DEPT.

On Tuesday, the National Rifle Association released its first statement regarding the horrific shooting in Newtown, CT. It was brief and concise — mainly because much of the original draft was edited out. Fortunately, a copy of the unabridged version was made available to us.

Susan Rice Withdraws Name for Secretary of State

REVENGE IS A SIDE DISH BEST SERVED COLD DEPT.

U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice withdrew her name for consideration as Secretary of State, following weeks of blistering criticism from Republicans who claimed she deliberately misled them about the American consulate attack in Benghazi, Libya. With lukewarm support coming from the White House, it was a smart move. After all — and especially in D.C. — if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen! 

MAD Magazine Susan Rice a Runnin

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