There are so many mysteries in China right now! First off, Xi Jinping has vanished! Second — who is Xi Jinping?!?! He’s the Vice President of China, and is presumed to be the next president — and he’s nowhere to be found. It’s unclear if he’s sick, or the victim or an attack, or just super into naps. No one “in the know” is saying where he is. Which is why those NOT in the know (that’d be us) are stepping forward with explanations!
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Both the Republican and Democratic Conventions are now officially over. But there’s no time for tears — there’s fact checking to be done! During the last couple of weeks, a lot was said about a lot of things — and since it was politicians talking, not everything was entirely…accurate. Paul Ryan and Bill Clinton both drew criticisms that they didn’t have all their facts straight — and we suspect that’s just the tip of the iceberg! So, being the civic-minded busybodies that we are, we’re proud to present:
Oh what a night! Not only is Barack Obama accepting the nomination at the Democratic Nation Convention, but the MTV Video Music Awards is also on! We don’t know which boring televised event to ignore first! But just because we’re not watching, that doesn’t mean we’re not paying attention — which is how we came to notice these…
The newest issue of Vanity Fair contains an article about Scientology, alleging that the Church held auditions in 2004 to find a wife for Tom Cruise. And with Tommy Boy single again, that means there’s a new opening! Since we would never stand in the way of love (or, for that matter, downwind of it), we’re happy to present another journalistic exclusive.
No Easy Day — the new book about the mission to kill Osama Bin Laden, written by one of the Navy SEALs who was there — is already creating controversy. The author’s account of Bin Laden’s death states that the terrorist leader wasn’t shot by the SEAL team, but shot himself, then was finished off by the soldiers. We don’t quite get what the fuss is about — either way, the story has a happy ending! But this discrepancy does open the door to a bunch of other bombshell revelations!
Oh Lindsay. The full-time train-wreck (and acting hobbyist) was accused this week of stealing $100,000 worth of jewelry and sunglasses from a friend’s house. And it looked like she might actually have to face the music...until the victim decided he didn’t want to press charges.
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie will be giving the keynote speech at the Republican National Convention today — provided Hurricane Isaac doesn’t destroy the state first. (No worries — Rep. Todd Akin insists that a state can “shut things down” in the event of a “legitimate storm.”) Christie is considered a charismatic and entertaining speaker, so it’s hoped that he’ll energize and unite the party before Romney officially gets the nomination.