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Vladimir Putin’s Appalling New Movie

RUSSKIE BUSINESS DEPT.

Russian President Vladimir Putin isn’t exactly known for being warm, compassionate and cuddly. Even so, it’s shockingly disappointing that Putin has initiated a slew of measures designed to punish anyone in Russia who is homosexual, or merely in favor of gay rights. We’re pretty sure that you can’t eradicate homosexuality just by banning so-called gay “propaganda.” But on the off-chance it works, maybe Putin can try passing some laws that would make it illegal to be a close-minded, ignorant hate-monger.

Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin’s Hard-hitting New Movie

A KICK IN THE ASS-YLUM DEPT.

The relationship between the United States and Russia has been going downhill for some time. This week President Obama cancelled his upcoming meeting with Vladimir Putin after the Russian president granted political asylum to NSA leaker Edward Snowden. Could all this be a harbinger of a return to the dreaded Cold War? Or worse yet, the inspiration for a stupid movie…

Alex Rodriguez’s Hall of Fame Plaque

BIOGENESIS EXODUS DEPT.

It was announced today that Alex Rodriguez will be suspended through the end of the 2014 baseball season due to his use of performance-enhancing drugs (and his reported cover-up of that P.E.D. use — which apparently didn’t go so well). While an appeal is inevitable, his cheating-filled legacy appears set — and if he somehow makes it to Cooperstown, we have a pretty good idea what his plaque will look like.

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