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New Scenes in "Titanic 3D"

WHEN THE SHIP HITS THE FAN DEPT.

A 3D version of Titanic is coming to theaters starting tomorrow! At first we weren’t sure they’d be able to make a 194-minute weep-fest from 1997 fresh and exciting for a 3D-loving audience. Thankfully, visionary genius (his words) James Cameron decided to add a bunch of new scenes that really make use of the exciting 3D technology! Brilliant! (also his words) 

Sarah Palin Hosting "The Today Show" is a "Lame Change"

MOURNING TV DEPT.

When ABC announced that Katie Couric would be filling in as co-anchor on Good Morning America, the producers of The Today Show knew they had to do something big to counter-program. And they did! Unfortunately, they did something big and stupid, bringing in unqualified V.P. candidate, half-term Alaska governor and intellectual feather-weight Sarah Palin to co-host. Is this bad, desperate TV? You betcha!

Mega Millions Jackpot Odds

LOTTERY WILL GET YOU NOWHERE DEPT.

Tonight, millions of Americans will gather around their TVs for the Mega Millions Jackpot lottery drawing. The first prize is more than a whopping half-billion dollars!!! OK, it’s nice to dream, but the chances of you actually winning that prize are pretty long — something along the lines of 176 million to one. But as insurmountable as those odds may seem, other things  — but not all — have even longer odds.

How the Mets are Going to Raise $162 Million to Settle the Bernie Madoff Suit

SHEA IT AIN'T SO DEPT.

The Mets have struck a deal to pay $162 million to settle claims that they knew disgraced financier Bernie Madoff was running a Ponzi scheme. How the beleaguered team owner, Fred Wilpon, will come up with the money is now the big question. Here’s MAD with the big answers…

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