GOING THROUGH AN AWKWARD FACE DEPT.
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RUSSKIE BUSINESS DEPT.
Russian President Vladimir Putin isn’t exactly known for being warm, compassionate and cuddly. Even so, it’s shockingly disappointing that Putin has initiated a slew of measures designed to punish anyone in Russia who is homosexual, or merely in favor of gay rights. We’re pretty sure that you can’t eradicate homosexuality just by banning so-called gay “propaganda.” But on the off-chance it works, maybe Putin can try passing some laws that would make it illegal to be a close-minded, ignorant hate-monger.
A KICK IN THE ASS-YLUM DEPT.
The relationship between the United States and Russia has been going downhill for some time. This week President Obama cancelled his upcoming meeting with Vladimir Putin after the Russian president granted political asylum to NSA leaker Edward Snowden. Could all this be a harbinger of a return to the dreaded Cold War? Or worse yet, the inspiration for a stupid movie…
NOT VERY A-PEELING DEPT.
BIOGENESIS EXODUS DEPT.
It was announced today that Alex Rodriguez will be suspended through the end of the 2014 baseball season due to his use of performance-enhancing drugs (and his reported cover-up of that P.E.D. use — which apparently didn’t go so well). While an appeal is inevitable, his cheating-filled legacy appears set — and if he somehow makes it to Cooperstown, we have a pretty good idea what his plaque will look like.
GNU IN THEATERS DEPT.
CRIME FLIES DEPT.
It’s been a big week for two of America’s favorite bad boys, Edward Snowden and OJ Simpson. Snowden was granted asylum in Russia, while OJ was granted parole (eventually). With both fellas getting good news, we started wondering if they had anything else in common…
BURGER ZING DEPT.
Fast-food employees across the county are walking off the job this week to protest their lousy pay, though it doesn’t seem likely their demands for more money will be met. Which makes sense: Fast-food chains have many more important priorities than paying employees a living wage.
When asked by a reporter recently what he’d do if he found out a priest was gay, Pope Francisanswered, “Who am I to judge?” The Pontiff’s refreshing non-condemning tone was welcomed by many and may have set the stage for the Holy Father to do further outreach to the gay community.
LIVING IN CINEMA DEPT.