Recently, Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth made their engagement public — probably after Hemsworth decided he’d be a doofus if he didn’t get in on those sweet, sweet Disney dollars. Hemsworth bought a 3.5 karat diamond to replace that abstinence “purity ring” she conveniently stopped wearing. The couple has found that planning a wedding is difficult no matter how rich and famous you are (for now). Lucky for us, we’ve obtained a list of the expenses that even the Beverly Hillbillies would hoot and holler over.
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President Obama’s relentless drone attacks on top Al-Qaeda members have made a real impact, systematically wiping out the top echelon of the terrorist network. Most recently, a missile took out the group’s “number two” man, Abu Yahya al-Libi. And although Abu now gets to live the good (after)life with 72 virgins, he leaves behind the last known leader (and perhaps last remaining member) of Al-Qaeda, Ayman al-Zawahri.
Queen Elizabeth's Diamond Jubilee is finally upon us! After 60 years of being pampered and waited on hand and foot while doing virtually nothing, she certainly deserves an over-the-top party (in America, she’d just get a reality show on E!).
This past weekend, comedian Bill Maher revealed that he bought a 4% interest in the New York Mets. Knowing the outspoken Maher, we expect it's only a matter of time before he begins butting into team affairs and throwing his weight around. Just like on his HBO show, Real Time, Maher will soon begin imposing some ridiculous "New Rules."
Recently, the Center for Disease Control reassured the public that despite various cannibal crimes that have occurred lately, there is NOT a virus in existence could result in a zombie apocalypse (seriously). While we’d like to be comforted by this official stance, we also know better than to trust anything the government says! And it actually doesn’t take much investigating to see that the CDC is full of BS.
Yesterday, Viswanathan Anand successfully defended his title as World Chess Champion by defeating Boris Gelfand. Now, we know what you’re thinking — the only thing more boring than playing chess has got to be watching chess be played. Well that’s where you’re wrong! The match was filled with exciting, surprising events! Don’t get us wrong, it was still boring – but for a chess game, pretty exciting!
As shares of Facebook stock continue to fall, many investors are now wringing their hands, ruing the day they paid a whopping $38 per share for Facebook’s Initial Public Offering. With billions lost and the stock now down over 20%, all that investors can do is weep uncontrollably and think about all the great things they could have spent that money on.
Recently, The Pope’s butler was arrested on charges that he’d stolen secret documents! This is huge news! The Pope has a freakin’ butler! (That must be a VERY fancy gent!) You might be wondering — are the secrets he leaked actually that embarrassing? Is the Pope Catholic?!?!
It was recently announced that in the next James Bond movie, Skyfall, the legendary spy will not be drinking his trademark martinis — instead he’ll be sipping Heinekens. We think it’s shameful when a classic institution whores itself out (unrelated, but be sure to watch MAD on Cartoon Network!) — and we realize it’s only the beginning in a slew of dreadful product placement in the Bond films.