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Exciting Features of the New Xbox One

SELLING YOUR CONSOLE TO THE DEVIL DEPT.

Microsoft announced yesterday that they’d be releasing the first new Xbox console in eight years! The so-called “all in one” system, the Xbox One, will let gamers record live TV, play Blu-ray HD discs and even make calls on Skype. But it’s also getting people mad, since old games won’t work on it, and sharing games will mean paying an additional price. But let’s not rush to judgment until we take a long, unbiased look at the system. And in that spirit, let’s examine these MAD-researched…

Apple's New Tax-Dodging App

iRS DEPT.

Apple is known for being amazing innovators in the field of electronics — but apparently they’re also ingeniously inventive when it comes to avoiding paying taxes! It was recently revealed that the company established an elaborate system of shell companies in various countries that let them avoid paying TENS OF BILLIONS of dollars in taxes! Stiffing Uncle Sam? There’s an app for that!

Major Defect Found in $58 Million Jackson Pollock Painting

SPLATTER UP DEPT.

Fresh off its record $58.4 million sale at Christie’s last night, Jackson Pollock’s “No. 19, 1948” is suddenly at the center of a growing controversy. After a closer inspection revealed a significant flaw, the buyer’s representatives are demanding a full refund — and we can’t really blame them.

Arguments O.J. Simpson’s Lawyers are Making for His Release

JUICETICE IS BLIND DEPT.

O.J. Simpson is currently arguing before a judge that he should be freed from jail because his lawyer botched his 2008 trial for armed robbery and kidnapping. (Poor guy — he can’t get away with anything!) His new lawyers will present 19 reasons why the Juice should be let loose — and we managed to get our hands on a few!

The I.R.S.'s Puzzling New Children's Book

THE EYES OF TAXES ARE UPON YOU DEPT.

With recent revelations of the Internal Revenue Service’s automatic flagging of the Tea Party and other conservative groups has come a wave of justifiable outrage from all sides. But how to explain to your children such a flagrant abuse of power? Perhaps this new book will help.

Hillary Clinton’s Troubling New Movie

COMIN’ AROUND THE BENGHAZI DEPT.

The attack on Libya’s American embassy on Sept. 11 was a tragedy. And as if that weren’t terrible enough, now it’s being said that then-Secretary of State Hillary Clinton mismanaged the situation, and if it had been handled differently, it might have been avoided entirely. As the accusations continue and new evidence comes to light, Hil’s original story about how things went down is holding less and less water. We’ll see how things shake out, but one thing is for sure — it’s tough to find a silver lining in all this.

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