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Mega Millions Jackpot Odds

LOTTERY WILL GET YOU NOWHERE DEPT.

Tonight, millions of Americans will gather around their TVs for the Mega Millions Jackpot lottery drawing. The first prize is more than a whopping half-billion dollars!!! OK, it’s nice to dream, but the chances of you actually winning that prize are pretty long — something along the lines of 176 million to one. But as insurmountable as those odds may seem, other things  — but not all — have even longer odds.

How the Mets are Going to Raise $162 Million to Settle the Bernie Madoff Suit

SHEA IT AIN'T SO DEPT.

The Mets have struck a deal to pay $162 million to settle claims that they knew disgraced financier Bernie Madoff was running a Ponzi scheme. How the beleaguered team owner, Fred Wilpon, will come up with the money is now the big question. Here’s MAD with the big answers…

Kony 2012 Poster Updated Post-Meltdown

CLEARLY WE SEE YOU'RE NUTS DEPT.

The good news is that acclaimed Kony 2012 director Jason Russell has followed up his smash online documentary with another video that’s already gone viral! The bad news is that the video is cell phone footage of him stark naked on a street corner, slapping the pavement and ranting about the devil. How long before Joseph Kony and his cronies flood the Internet with this poster?

Tips on How to Better Enjoy the St. Patrick's Day Parade

DUBLIN YOUR FUN DEPT.

Tomorrow is St. Patrick’s Day and all across the nation, parades will be held to celebrate this great occasion. But not all parades are created equal — in fact, some can be downright boring. So it’s up to you to make sure you get the most out of standing on a curb, watching a bunch of people wearing green stumble by. And we’re here to help.

Afghanistan: 'No Country for Our Men'

THE WAR ON ERROR DEPT.

After peeing on Taliban corpses, accidentally burning the Koran and a tragic shooting spree by a deranged soldier, it’s not exactly shocking that America has failed to win the hearts and minds of the Afghani people. Today, Afghan President Hamid Karzai asked President Obama to get U.S. troops out of his country NOW! Like Vietnam and more recently, Iraq, we’ve seen this movie before.

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