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NBA Jerseys We’ll Soon Be Seeing

NBA-HOLES DEPT.

Although the final decision won’t be made until 2013-2014, it’s looking like the NBA is going to start putting corporate logos on team jerseys. Who knows — with this new revenue stream, maybe the league can finally pay LeBron a proper salary (The man has a family to feed, dammit)! On the downside, though, once you start messing with sponsors, things can easily get out of hand.

Other Demands George Zimmerman Made to Appear on "The View"

GOON WITH THE VIEW DEPT.

George Zimmerman, the man accused of killing an unarmed Florida teenager, dropped plans for a second television interview on The View after ABC would not provide a month of “shelter and security” for his family, his attorney said Thursday. What the attorney did not say was that “shelter and security” were only two of the demands made by his client. In fact, Zimmerman had so many demands that insiders say Barbara Walters’ panties were really twisted in a knot. Eewww…

Reasons Why Amtrak is a Billion Dollars in Debt

NO TRAIN, NO GAIN DEPT.

Recently, it was revealed that Amtrak is a billion dollars in debt. A Billion! With a "B"! Do you have any idea how many tickets they'll have to punch just to get out of that hole? Where did the nation’s most bothersome method of transportation go wrong? Well, luckily for you we have some hunches about how Amtrak actually got itself into this financial train wreck.

What is Mitt Romney Hiding in His Tax Returns?

MANY CRAPPY RETURNS DEPT.

There are lots of things politicians try to hide when running for office: ideological flip- flopping, past drug use, a proclivity for Miley Cyrus tunes. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg! Presidential candidate Willard “Mitt” Romney also recently tried to shield his precious tax returns, only allowing those from 2010 and 2011 to be seen by prying eyes. What’s there to hide, Mitt? Off-shore accounts? Dubious campaign contributions? A couple of drunken Walmart purchases? Just spill it already!

Six New Revelations about the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes Marriage

PRODUCT OF A BROKEN HOLMES DEPT.

Like all of Tom Cruise’s projects, the end of his marriage to Katie Holmes left many upset, unsatisfied, and confused over what the hell happened. The only difference is that while a Cruise movie only lasts about 2 hours, his divorce dragged out in the media for weeks before he and Katie came to terms. And while much about the Cruise/Holmes union is still  shrouded in mystery, we were fortunate enough to dig up some real TomKat dirt! So, if you can’t handle the truth, don’t read:

Which U.S. Job Areas are Growing (and Which are Shrinking)

UNEMPLOYS THE THING DEPT.

Today the U.S. Government released the latest job statistics, citing an 80,000 gain in jobs for the month of June. While at first glance these numbers make it appear as if the entire U.S. economy is at a virtual standstill, in fact there are many sectors within the job market where opportunities abound. Here is a breakdown of some of the job market's biggest growth areas, and a few of its most glaring losers.

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