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MAD’s Birthday Card to Kristen Stewart

THE MOST HAPPY BELLA DEPT.

Kristen Stewart turns 23 today! We’re sure that she’s going to get cards from everyone! (Well, probably not from the wife of the guy she cheated with…but you know what we mean.) Still, in the spirit of this oh-so-special day, we’re delighted to offer:

Just How Fat is Kim Kardashian? She's So Fat...

FAT’S ALL, FOLKS! DEPT.

We don’t know if you’ve noticed, but ever since Kim Kardashian got pregnant, she’s gotten slightly…huge. How fat, you ask? Well, it would be rude to make fun of a pregnant woman’s weight. So enjoy the rudeness (and add your own in the Comments Section!) as we ask, and answer…

New Ref Signals For Fired Rutgers Coach Mike Rice

OF RICE AND MEN DEPT.

Earlier today, Rutgers University fired Mike Rice, its rage-aholic, homophobic and bullying basketball coach, shortly after a video aired on ESPN showing him to be a rage-aholic, homophobic and bullying basketball coach. Coach Rice used gay slurs, shoved his players and heaved basketballs at them during practice. The NCAA responded with surprising swiftness, already adding new signals for referees to call any future similar infractions.

Matt Lauer and Jay Leno: Unwanted!

HOSTS OF PROBLEMS DEPT.

It’s not a great time to be the longtime host of an NBC show! In the last week, it’s come to light that in addition to swapping out Jay Leno for Jimmy Fallon on The Tonight Show, NBC is also possibly looking to replace Matt Lauer with Anderson Cooper on The Today Show. We know that unemployment is a big problem in this country — but in this case, we’re cool with it.

Why the Miami Heat Won’t Set the NBA Record for Most Consecutive Wins

WINNER IS COMING DEPT.

The Miami Heat have won 26 games in a row! (Not to be confused with the Charlotte Bobcats — who had 26 people in the stands at their last game.) Right now, the Heat are on pace to beat the Lakers’ 33-game winning streak to have the longest winning streak in NBA history! And even though we’d love to root for a scrappy underdog like LeBron, we have a terrible feeling that it’s not going to happen.

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