SYMBOL MINDED DEPT.
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GLOOM AND ROOM DEPT.
WINNER IS COMING DEPT.
The Miami Heat have won 26 games in a row! (Not to be confused with the Charlotte Bobcats — who had 26 people in the stands at their last game.) Right now, the Heat are on pace to beat the Lakers’ 33-game winning streak to have the longest winning streak in NBA history! And even though we’d love to root for a scrappy underdog like LeBron, we have a terrible feeling that it’s not going to happen.
A KATE WITH DESTINY DEPT.
They say that high school is the best years of your life. And while that’s normally a bunch of nonsense, it’s probably the case for Jake Davidson. The gutsy senior posted a video on YouTube asking Kate Upton to be his prom date…and it looks like she may actually go! Still, even though it seems like a dream come true, before Jakey puts down a deposit on the limo, he may want to first consider these…
MAKING THE HOST OF A BAD SITUATION DEPT.
MAGNUM FARCE DEPT.
Yesterday, spineless Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid refused to put up for a vote a bill that would ban assault weapons.
CONFESSIONS OF A COURTROOM DRAMA QUEEN DEPT.
When Lindsay Lohan yesterday accepted a plea deal for driving into a dump truck, part of the agreement was that she’d do 90 days of hard rehab. We’re not sure that this is going to help all that much, but at the very least, her latest legal episode will provide fodder for her big comeback movie.
ANY WHICH WAY BUT LUCIFER DEPT.
APE FEAR DEPT.
North Korea’s supreme leader, the pudgy, 30-year-old Kim Jong Un, keeps issuing nuclear threats from his crumbling peninsula (when he’s not entertaining semi-forgotten NBA rebounders, of course) — threatening to attack South Korea, the United States, and possibly parts of Guam. While nobody’s quite sure how seriously to take this guy, one thing is for certain: the whole ridiculous episode is starting to feel like a bad movie.