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Breaking Factoids about Prince William and Kate Middleton’s Pregnancy

BAMBINO ROYALE DEPT.

If you’re the type of person who actually gave a crap when Prince William and Kate Middleton got married, get ready — because your easily-distracted brain is about to explode! The rumor is that America’s favorite non-American couple (Sorry, Bollywood power couple Saif Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor!) is having a baby! Sadly, the facts are very scarce. Fortunately, facts are never a big ingredient when we report a story — so enjoy these...

What Did Joe Biden Buy at Costco?

THE JOE-EST PRICES ANYWHERE DEPT.

To demonstrate his solidarity with the middle class, Vice President Joe Biden went on a holiday shopping trip to the Washington, DC Costco yesterday. They were all out of tooth whitener and hair plugs — but here are some of the things he DID buy!

The Terrifying New Gangnam Style Movie

DANCE, DANCE DEVOLUTION DEPT.

Over the weekend, Gangnam Style” by South Korean pop star PSY became YouTube’s most viewed video of all time, taking the #1 spot from “Baby” by Justin Bieber. Unseating Beebs is HUGE news — since it proves that Canada isn’t the only foreign country that can export an annoying song by a stupidly-dressed, prancing moron with ridiculous hair.

The Thanksgiving Day Parade KAWS Balloon — His Face Revealed!

KAWS & DEFECT DEPT.

This year’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade will debut a brand new balloon based on the character “Companion” by the former graffiti artist KAWS. Sure, it’s exciting — but he's covering up his face! Who knows what’s behind those be-gloved hands?!? We do! And now, so do you.

The Elmo Puppeteer Sex Scandal, Set to Music

ELMO MONEY, ELMO PROBLEMS DEPT.

Hey, kids, let’s do this by the numbers: 1) Sheldon Stephens, a 23-year-old man declares that when he was 16, he had sex with Kevin Clash, the voice and Muppeteer of Sesame Street's Elmo. 2) Stephens later recants his story and says they had sex when he was over 18. 3) We find out he recanted his story only after he received $125,000 from Clash. 4) Stephens then recanted his recant and says his original claim is true! Phew, that’s a lot of numbers!

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