BUSY AS A BIEBER DEPT.
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OF RICE AND MEN DEPT.
Earlier today, Rutgers University fired Mike Rice, its rage-aholic, homophobic and bullying basketball coach, shortly after a video aired on ESPN showing him to be a rage-aholic, homophobic and bullying basketball coach. Coach Rice used gay slurs, shoved his players and heaved basketballs at them during practice. The NCAA responded with surprising swiftness, already adding new signals for referees to call any future similar infractions.
HOSTS OF PROBLEMS DEPT.
It’s not a great time to be the longtime host of an NBC show! In the last week, it’s come to light that in addition to swapping out Jay Leno for Jimmy Fallon on The Tonight Show, NBC is also possibly looking to replace Matt Lauer with Anderson Cooper on The Today Show. We know that unemployment is a big problem in this country — but in this case, we’re cool with it.
SYMBOL MINDED DEPT.
GLOOM AND ROOM DEPT.
WINNER IS COMING DEPT.
The Miami Heat have won 26 games in a row! (Not to be confused with the Charlotte Bobcats — who had 26 people in the stands at their last game.) Right now, the Heat are on pace to beat the Lakers’ 33-game winning streak to have the longest winning streak in NBA history! And even though we’d love to root for a scrappy underdog like LeBron, we have a terrible feeling that it’s not going to happen.
A KATE WITH DESTINY DEPT.
They say that high school is the best years of your life. And while that’s normally a bunch of nonsense, it’s probably the case for Jake Davidson. The gutsy senior posted a video on YouTube asking Kate Upton to be his prom date…and it looks like she may actually go! Still, even though it seems like a dream come true, before Jakey puts down a deposit on the limo, he may want to first consider these…
MAKING THE HOST OF A BAD SITUATION DEPT.
MAGNUM FARCE DEPT.
Yesterday, spineless Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid refused to put up for a vote a bill that would ban assault weapons.
CONFESSIONS OF A COURTROOM DRAMA QUEEN DEPT.
When Lindsay Lohan yesterday accepted a plea deal for driving into a dump truck, part of the agreement was that she’d do 90 days of hard rehab. We’re not sure that this is going to help all that much, but at the very least, her latest legal episode will provide fodder for her big comeback movie.