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Similarities and Differences Between the Democratic National Convention and the MTV Video Music Awards

NOMINEE-JERK REACTIONS DEPT.

Oh what a night! Not only is Barack Obama accepting the nomination at the Democratic Nation Convention, but the MTV Video Music Awards is also on! We don’t know which boring televised event to ignore first! But just because we’re not watching, that doesn’t mean we’re not paying attention — which is how we came to notice these…

Exposed! Tom Cruise’s Prospective Wife Questionnaire

CRUISED EGO DEPT.

The newest issue of Vanity Fair contains an article about Scientology, alleging that the Church held auditions in 2004 to find a wife for Tom Cruise. And with Tommy Boy single again, that means there’s a new opening! Since we would never stand in the way of love (or, for that matter, downwind of it), we’re happy to present another journalistic exclusive.

Lindsay Lohan in "Grand Theft LiLo"

YOU DON’T MESS WITH THE LOHAN DEPT.

Oh Lindsay. The full-time train-wreck (and acting hobbyist) was accused this week of stealing $100,000 worth of jewelry and sunglasses from a friend’s house. And it looked like she might actually have to face the music...until the victim decided he didn’t want to press charges.

Similarities Between "Modern Family" and the Jackson Family

THE PRODIGAL JACKSON RETURNS DEPT.

The Jackson Family has been through a lot. First Grandma Katherine went missing. Then she turned up. But she wound up losing custody of Michael’s three kids. And all the uncles and aunts are fighting about who’d have custody. (Yes, even Tito!) And Michael’s kids were tweeting accusations and complaints about the whole mess. At this point, the Jackson who’s in the best shape may be Michael! Anyway, all this family drama got us thinking about another ridiculous family that’s been in the news lately.

MAD EXCLUSIVE: The First Draft of Kristen Stewart’s Apology

THE TWILIGHTER SIDE OF DEPT.

Yesterday, Twilight star and professional pouter Kristen Stewart admitted to a fling with her Snow White and the Huntsman director, Rupert Sanders. Her on- and off-screen beau, Robert Pattinson, was crushed by this news, as was Stewart’s legion of pre-teen fans who finally got a glimpse at a harsh reality of love that vampire books can never fully illustrate.

Six New Revelations about the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes Marriage

PRODUCT OF A BROKEN HOLMES DEPT.

Like all of Tom Cruise’s projects, the end of his marriage to Katie Holmes left many upset, unsatisfied, and confused over what the hell happened. The only difference is that while a Cruise movie only lasts about 2 hours, his divorce dragged out in the media for weeks before he and Katie came to terms. And while much about the Cruise/Holmes union is still  shrouded in mystery, we were fortunate enough to dig up some real TomKat dirt! So, if you can’t handle the truth, don’t read:

Celebrity Tweets from Alec Baldwin's Wedding

SWALLOW THEIR TWITTER FEED DEPT.

Now that the 4th of July has passed and the stray fires from illegal fireworks have been extinguished, and the pungent smell of vomit from Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest at Coney Island is but a fading memory, we have time to reflect on something that took place in New York City this holiday week: the marriage of Alec Baldwin to Hilaria Thomas — a woman not quite half his age.

Expenses for Miley Cyrus' Wedding Day

FOOLS OF ENGAGEMENT DEPT.

Recently, Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth made their engagement public — probably after Hemsworth decided he’d be a doofus if he didn’t get in on those sweet, sweet Disney dollars. Hemsworth bought a 3.5 karat diamond to replace that abstinence “purity ring” she conveniently stopped wearing. The couple has found that planning a wedding is difficult no matter how rich and famous you are (for now). Lucky for us, we’ve obtained a list of the expenses that even the Beverly Hillbillies would hoot and holler over. 

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