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New James Bond Poster Revealed

LICENSE TO SHILL DEPT.

Adele’s new song from Skyfall debuted today — and everyone’s going ga-ga-goofy over it! But that news has completely overshadowed the bigger scoop about the latest James Bond movie! Apparently, while fans were distracted, producers quietly retooled the entire movie to make it more air-travel friendly! No doubt they’re after those sweet, sweet product placement dollars. Scoundrels!

Governor Chris Christie's Role at the Republican National Convention

GOV MAKES THE WORLD GO ‘ROUND DEPT.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie will be giving the keynote speech at the Republican National Convention today — provided Hurricane Isaac doesn’t destroy the state first. (No worries — Rep. Todd Akin insists that a state can “shut things down” in the event of a “legitimate storm.”) Christie is considered a charismatic and entertaining speaker, so it’s hoped that he’ll energize and unite the party before Romney officially gets the nomination.

Todd Akin’s Stupid Rape Comment

RAPE-NUTS DEPT.

When asked recently if victims of rape should be allowed to have an abortion, idiot Congressman Todd Akin (R-Missouri) said that such pregnancies are "really rare.” “If it’s a legitimate rape,” he added, “the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.” The predictable political backlash followed and soon Democrats AND Republicans were re-evaluating his creepy campaign — saying it was time to shut that whole thi

Afghanistan: 'No Country for Our Men'

THE WAR ON ERROR DEPT.

After peeing on Taliban corpses, accidentally burning the Koran and a tragic shooting spree by a deranged soldier, it’s not exactly shocking that America has failed to win the hearts and minds of the Afghani people. Today, Afghan President Hamid Karzai asked President Obama to get U.S. troops out of his country NOW! Like Vietnam and more recently, Iraq, we’ve seen this movie before.

'The Artist' Re-imagined for Mainstream Americans

The Artist won a stunning five Oscars on Sunday, including Best Picture, Best Actor, and Best Director — but the French film still lags behind insipid garbage like This Means War, Journey 2: The Mysterious Island, and Ghost Rider: Nicolas Cage’s Flamin’ Spittle. In fact, the only way that The Artist might gain traction in American multiplexes is if it’s dumbed down a bit — in other words, less think, more stink.

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