THE FRUITS OF THEIR LABOR DEPT.
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UH-OH SILVER! DEPT.
Disney’s big summer movie, The Lone Ranger, opened last week — and although it got savaged by the critics, it made up for those poor reviews by getting absolutely demolished at the box office by Despicable Me. Since nobody gave a sweet kemosabe about the masked man, maybe the filmmakers would’ve done better if they’d mooched off the success of an actual hit…
DEEN OF ADMISSIONS DEPT.
Since Paula Deen’s admission that she used a racially insensitive word, her endorsement deals have been drying up faster than a double-breaded chicken breast deep fried in oil for 3 to 5 days. Her fall from grace reminds us of that of another southern belle from deep in the heart of Dixie.
BRONX BUMMER DEPT.
BAD TO THE DRONE DEPT.
REESE IN PIECES DEPT.
MAGNUM FARCE DEPT.
Yesterday, spineless Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid refused to put up for a vote a bill that would ban assault weapons.
CLASSIC MAD DEPT.
APE FEAR DEPT.
North Korea’s supreme leader, the pudgy, 30-year-old Kim Jong Un, keeps issuing nuclear threats from his crumbling peninsula (when he’s not entertaining semi-forgotten NBA rebounders, of course) — threatening to attack South Korea, the United States, and possibly parts of Guam. While nobody’s quite sure how seriously to take this guy, one thing is for certain: the whole ridiculous episode is starting to feel like a bad movie.