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Chris Christie: Breaking Band

EAT, WEIGH, GUV DEPT.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie recently revealed that he had undergone lap-band surgery in order to help him get down to his “goal weight” of a svelte 535 pounds. We salute his newfound resolve to lead a healthier life — but, given his donut-inhaling history, we’re a little worried about a relapse. But if such a thing does happen, it will at least make for riveting drama.

Marco Rubio’s “Watergate” Moment

WATER FOR GOP ELEPHANTS DEPT.

Last night, while delivering the GOP rebuttal to President Obama’s State of the Union Address, an obviously-parched Senator Marco Rubio reached for a bottle of water. Unfortunately, he wasn’t exactly as graceful as a ballerina. Actually, it was more akin to a 1,000-pound man lunging for the last shrimp at an all-you-can eat buffet. But was this brief human moment worth all the ridiculous hoopla that the media is giving it? Nah, it’s already water under the bridge.

MAD Asks…Who Said It? Mitt Romney or Mr. Burns? VOLUME 2!

MITT HAPPENS DEPT.

Back in March, we ran a post asking readers to decide which statements were made by Mitt Romney, and which were made by Mr. Burns. Turns out it was harder than you’d expect to differentiate between the quotes of an evil cartoon zillionaire and a Republican Presidential hopeful (and zillionaire). And even though Mitt wound up losing the election, fortunately, he’s still staying cartoonishly-stupid things.

Barack Obama and Chris Christie's Newfound Friendship

THE ACT-OF-GOD COUPLE DEPT.

Republican New Jersey Governor Chris Christie recently said this about President Obama: “He’s like a man wandering around a dark room…clutching for the light switch of leadership, and he just can’t find it.” Yesterday, after Obama rushed to New Jersey's aid in the wake of Hurricane Sandy, Christie said: “It’s been very good working with the president…It’s been wonderful.” Faster than it took to flood lower Manhattan, the Gov and Prez were suddenly BFFs and seen hugging each other repe

Mitt Romney Mounts Big Bird's Head on the Wall

YELLOW AND GOODBYE DEPT.

In last night’s Presidential debate, Mitt Romney vowed to kill Federal funding for Big Bird if elected President. After consoling the millions of weeping toddlers across the nation, we wondered what Mitt’s Christmas card would look like if he does assume the Oval Office and make good on his promise. Snuffleupagus, beware!

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