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Exposed! Tom Cruise’s Prospective Wife Questionnaire

CRUISED EGO DEPT.

The newest issue of Vanity Fair contains an article about Scientology, alleging that the Church held auditions in 2004 to find a wife for Tom Cruise. And with Tommy Boy single again, that means there’s a new opening! Since we would never stand in the way of love (or, for that matter, downwind of it), we’re happy to present another journalistic exclusive.

Six New Revelations about the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes Marriage

PRODUCT OF A BROKEN HOLMES DEPT.

Like all of Tom Cruise’s projects, the end of his marriage to Katie Holmes left many upset, unsatisfied, and confused over what the hell happened. The only difference is that while a Cruise movie only lasts about 2 hours, his divorce dragged out in the media for weeks before he and Katie came to terms. And while much about the Cruise/Holmes union is still  shrouded in mystery, we were fortunate enough to dig up some real TomKat dirt! So, if you can’t handle the truth, don’t read:

Kim Kardashian Announces Divorce from Kris Humphries. Okay, Who Had October 31 in the Pool?

High unemployment, falling stock prices, Herman Cain may be a sexual harasser. It seems there’s bad news everywhere you look. But at least there was a bit of good news for someone yesterday! Kim Kardashian cut loose her fledgling husband Kris Humphries! Congrats, Kris, on escaping the 2011 debacle known as your marriage alive! Here’s hoping the divorce doesn’t cost you an arm and a leg.

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