Reasons July was the Hottest Month Ever

ALL YOU CAN HEAT DEPT.

The numbers are in, and — wait for it — July was the hottest month ever recorded in the United States! (We weren’t asking you to “wait for it” for dramatic reasons; we just needed to wipe our sweat-drenched foreheads and chug a two-liter bottle of Gatorade “Turquoise Permafrost”!) We did conduct an exhaustive study, however, and discovered the…

mad magazine the idiotical Reasons July was the Hottest Month Ever Idiotical Originals, Society & Culture, Weather, Heat, Temperature, Summer, Taco Bell, John Roberts, Pitchfork, 50 Shades of Grey, Rick Ross, Sweat, Sandra Day O’Connor Skateboard Fail

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Idiotical Originals, Society & Culture, Weather, Heat, temperature, summer, Taco Bell, John Roberts, Pitchfork, 50 Shades of Grey, Rick Ross, sweat, Sandra Day O’Connor Skateboard Fail

Tips For Dealing With the Heat Wave

From MAD #493, September 2008

    • Continually whine about how hot it is. Evidently, many people think this works.

    • You can’t go wrong with Gatorade. Is it in you? (This line brought to you by Gatorade.)

    • Check with your local cryogenics lab and see if they offer a 3-month plan.

    • If you’re asleep, you won’t notice the heat. A handful of Tylenol PM in the morning should keep you in sweet dreams until the evening, when it finally cools down.

    • Hey genius, how about turning on the air conditioner?

    • Go to the supermarket and put frozen goods down the front of your shirt, but make it clear to the security guard that you plan to put them back or he may get the wrong idea.

    • Let your dog drive while you put your head out the window, for once.

    • Take an ice-cold shower lasting up to 90 minutes. (Hey, this isn't “Tips on Saving Water.”)

Writer: Jeff Kruse
Artist: Rick Tulka

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hot, summer, sweat, temperature
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