Legendary baseball fraud Roger Clemens beat the steroid-perjury rap yesterday when a jury declared him innocent of lying to Congress — thereby boosting his chances of getting into to the Hall of Fame from “zero” to “hopelessly remote.” On the off chance that he does make it, here’s the plaque that awaits him in Cooperstown.
The US Anti-Doping Agency has once again leveled doping charges against that dope Lance Armstrong, accusing him of altering his blood samples to cover up use of performance-enhancing substances, including EPO and testosterone. If found guilty, he can be stripped of his seven Tour De France titles and be barred from future competition.
This past weekend, "I'll Have Another" was scratched from the Belmont Stakes mere hours before race time, ending his run for the Triple Crown and disappointing thousands of degenerate gamblers. With "I'll Have Another" retiring to battle tendonitis and the irony of his name, the odds aren't good that anyone cares about the "Single Crown"-winning "Union Rags" or any of the losing horses, for that matter.
This past weekend, comedian Bill Maher revealed that he bought a 4% interest in the New York Mets. Knowing the outspoken Maher, we expect it's only a matter of time before he begins butting into team affairs and throwing his weight around. Just like on his HBO show, Real Time, Maher will soon begin imposing some ridiculous "New Rules."
Rumors have been swirling that Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian’s marriage is in trouble and that, any day now, they’ll announce they’re getting a divorce! But that’s crazy talk — they’d never announce that! Not when they could do a special episode of their show and milk the news for all the money it’s worth! And when they do, here are the...
Last year, NBA thug Ron Artest changed his name to Metta World Peace in a heroic attempt to put his ugly and violent past behind him. It worked really well — at least until this past weekend, when “Metta World Peace” almost murdered James Harden with an elbow to the head. But why dwell on the negative? The important thing is that he changed his name to improve himself. We hope that others will follow his fine example and change their names as well.
Two high profile trials are currently underway. One involves former Yankee pitcher Roger Clemens and his alleged lies to Congress about using steroids. The other involves former Senator and presidential candidate John Edwards and his use of campaign funds to hide an affair and love child. Two men. Two very different professions. And yet one can’t help but notice…