MAD’s Birthday Card to Kristen Stewart

THE MOST HAPPY BELLA DEPT.

Kristen Stewart turns 23 today! We’re sure that she’s going to get cards from everyone! (Well, probably not from the wife of the guy she cheated with…but you know what we mean.) Still, in the spirit of this oh-so-special day, we’re delighted to offer:

New Ad Reflects the Reality of a Carnival Cruise

For the second time in a month, a Carnival Cruise ship — this one called “The Dream” and henceforth known as “The Nightmare” — is suffering power outages and pesky plumbing problems. Note: by “pesky plumbing problems,” we mean what passengers call “large amount of human waste all over the floor in bathrooms and staterooms.” On the positive side, we hear the view from the stench-ridden cabins is lovely this time of year.

Michelle Obama's Rejected Official Portraits

HAIR FORCE ONE DEPT.

Yesterday, the White House released Michelle Obama’s new official portrait. And while she looks great, and it features her celebrated bangs, we’ve recently learned that there were other shots taken that featured alternate hairstyles for the First Lady! Never one to shy away from exposing a political scandal (no matter how coiffe-based) MAD is proud to share these…

The State of the Upton Address

UNDRESS THE NATION DEPT

Yesterday, Kate Upton was announced as the cover girl of Sport Illustrated’s Swimsuit Issue! And tonight, President Obama delivers the State of the Union Address! Guess which of these things more Americans care about? C’mon Barry, it’s time to give the people what they want!

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