WHERE THERE’S A WILL, THERE’S DISMAY DEPT.
SELLING YOUR CONSOLE TO THE DEVIL DEPT.
Microsoft announced yesterday that they’d be releasing the first new Xbox console in eight years! The so-called “all in one” system, the Xbox One, will let gamers record live TV, play Blu-ray HD discs and even make calls on Skype. But it’s also getting people mad, since old games won’t work on it, and sharing games will mean paying an additional price. But let’s not rush to judgment until we take a long, unbiased look at the system. And in that spirit, let’s examine these MAD-researched…
Apple is known for being amazing innovators in the field of electronics — but apparently they’re also ingeniously inventive when it comes to avoiding paying taxes! It was recently revealed that the company established an elaborate system of shell companies in various countries that let them avoid paying TENS OF BILLIONS of dollars in taxes! Stiffing Uncle Sam? There’s an app for that!
JUICETICE IS BLIND DEPT.
O.J. Simpson is currently arguing before a judge that he should be freed from jail because his lawyer botched his 2008 trial for armed robbery and kidnapping. (Poor guy — he can’t get away with anything!) His new lawyers will present 19 reasons why the Juice should be let loose — and we managed to get our hands on a few!
MAIL ENHANCEMENT DEPT.
THE EX-FACTOR DEPT.
Sad news today (well, sad for one person — for the rest of us, it’s actually pretty positive) — Khloe Kardashian Odom will not be returning next season to co-host X-Factor. There was no reason given, but it’s either because she wanted to spend more time with her family, or because she’s a talentless, unappealing cipher who was so terrible at her simple job that she made Mario Lopez look like a bottomless well of genius magnetism. Oh well — TV didn’t work out, but there’s always the big screen!
A FLU GOOD MEN DEPT.
Time magazine recently revealed their "100 Most Influential People." And that’s exciting — but what we’re really psyched about is next week’s issue — just in time for the end of cold and flu season!
DON’T MESS WITH TAXES DEPT.
Today is tax day! And you know what that means: um...it’s the day you pay your taxes! (Sorry, the name is kind of a giveaway...) Anyway — even though it’s a terrible, boring and wallet-draining time, there’s one sure-fire way to make it more enjoyable...see what the stars are doing! So, to help ease the pain, we thought we’d take a look at what some celebrity taxpayers are writing off as deductions this year!
THE MOST HAPPY BELLA DEPT.
Kristen Stewart turns 23 today! We’re sure that she’s going to get cards from everyone! (Well, probably not from the wife of the guy she cheated with…but you know what we mean.) Still, in the spirit of this oh-so-special day, we’re delighted to offer:
SYMBOL MINDED DEPT.