Justin Bieber’s Nauseating New “Got Milk?” Ad

DAIRY OF A WIMPY KID DEPT.

During his performance on Saturday, Justin Bieber puked out his Canadian guts all over the stage. Suffice to say, the copious barf was the best thing to ever come out of his mouth during a concert. Bieber claimed that his ralphing was caused by drinking too much milk (just how wholesome is this weiner?!?) — but it got us wondering if there was a way for Biebs to turn this unfortunate event into a career boost!

Similarities Between Occupy Wall Street and Actual One-Year-Olds

PROTEST OF ENDURANCE DEPT.

A lot can happen in a year. Or, as we learned from Occupy Wall Street, nothing can happen at all. Today marks the one-year anniversary of OWS and...that’s about all it marks. For all the excitement, the promise of change and the energized followers, there have been no lasting, positive effects (something Obama supporters are all too familiar with). Still, anniversaries are a time for reflection, and it got us thinking about…

How the Students of Chicago Have Spent the Past Week

OUR TEACHER PRESENTATION DEPT.

For the past week, Chicago’s teachers have been on strike — which means that for the past week, Chicago’s students played hooky legally! Although the media have covered the talks between the teachers, the politicians and a tentative agreement, there’s been little talk about what the students were up to! And, to us, that’s the real story! Which is why we took everything we knew about Chicago (1: they have deep dish pizza, 2: it’s called “The Windy City”) and dug even deeper to find out…

Other Surprises About the Bin Laden Raid Revealed in the Book “No Easy Day”

BIN THERE, DONE THAT DEPT.

No Easy Day — the new book about the mission to kill Osama Bin Laden, written by one of the Navy SEALs who was there — is already creating controversy. The author’s account of Bin Laden’s death states that the terrorist leader wasn’t shot by the SEAL team, but shot himself, then was finished off by the soldiers.  We don’t quite get what the fuss is about — either way, the story has a happy ending! But this discrepancy does open the door to a bunch of other bombshell revelations!

Flavors That Won’t Be Winning Lay’s Potato Chip Naming Contest

ABANDON CHIP! DEPT.

Have you ever thought, “Boy, I wish I had a shot at deciding the flavor of some new potato chip that’s sure to underperform and be discontinued!”? Well, with Lays’ “Do Us a Flavor” contest, that passing thought can become a mediocre reality! They’re giving a million dollars to the lucky schlub who comes up with the best new potato chip flavor. (A million dollars?

Other Demands George Zimmerman Made to Appear on "The View"

GOON WITH THE VIEW DEPT.

George Zimmerman, the man accused of killing an unarmed Florida teenager, dropped plans for a second television interview on The View after ABC would not provide a month of “shelter and security” for his family, his attorney said Thursday. What the attorney did not say was that “shelter and security” were only two of the demands made by his client. In fact, Zimmerman had so many demands that insiders say Barbara Walters’ panties were really twisted in a knot. Eewww…

Which U.S. Job Areas are Growing (and Which are Shrinking)

UNEMPLOYS THE THING DEPT.

Today the U.S. Government released the latest job statistics, citing an 80,000 gain in jobs for the month of June. While at first glance these numbers make it appear as if the entire U.S. economy is at a virtual standstill, in fact there are many sectors within the job market where opportunities abound. Here is a breakdown of some of the job market's biggest growth areas, and a few of its most glaring losers.

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