Things You Could Have Done with $38 Instead of Buying a Share of Facebook Stock

AN UNFAIR SHARE DEPT.

As shares of Facebook stock continue to fall, many investors are now wringing their hands, ruing the day they paid a whopping $38 per share for Facebook’s Initial Public Offering. With billions lost and the stock now down over 20%, all that investors can do is weep uncontrollably and think about all the great things they could have spent that money on. 

Other Explosive Vatican Secrets Revealed by the Pope's Butler

POWER TO THE PAPAL DEPT.

Recently, The Pope’s butler was arrested on charges that he’d stolen secret documents! This is huge news! The Pope has a freakin’ butler! (That must be a VERY fancy gent!) You might be wondering — are the secrets he leaked actually that embarrassing? Is the Pope Catholic?!?! 

Other Product Placement in the New James Bond Movie

LICENSE TO SHILL DEPT.

It was recently announced that in the next James Bond movie, Skyfall, the legendary spy will not be drinking his trademark martinis — instead he’ll be sipping Heinekens. We think it’s shameful when a classic institution whores itself out (unrelated, but be sure to watch MAD on Cartoon Network!) — and we realize it’s only the beginning in a slew of dreadful product placement in the Bond films.  

A Sneak Peek at the Facebook Stock Certificate

POSTING ON YOUR WALL STREET DEPT.

Facebook is going public this week, which means you can now buy stock in the company! Well, YOU can’t — the stocks are extremely sought after and you have to be pretty well-connected to get your hands on them. And let’s face facts — if you’re reading the MAD website, you’re probably not well-connected. (Hell, you’re lucky just to be internet-connected). So since we’ll never see one in person, we’re giving a sneak peek of what the actual stock certificates will look like! 

Click the image to make it bigger!

The New Al-Qaeda Underwear Bomb: What We Know

IF AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCCEED — FLY, FLY AGAIN DEPT.

The CIA recently thwarted Al Qaeda’s plot to bring a bomb aboard a U.S.-bound airplane. Details are still emerging, but it’s been revealed that the device was a new kind of underwear bomb. (And we still hadn’t tried the old kind yet! This is just like the iPhone releases!) The whole story raises more questions than answers, however…

Why Did "The Scream" Sell for $119.9 Million?

THE LAST AUCTION HERO DEPT.

As we mentioned earlier, a version of Edvard Munch’s “The Scream” sold for $119.9 million — that’s the most ever paid for a work of art at auction! To give you an idea of just how much $119.9 million is: if you had 119 million $1 bills and stacked them one on top of the other…it would be a better use of time and money than whatever Michael Bay would do with the same amount of cash! Still — what makes this particular smear of pastel so special?

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