Flavors That Won’t Be Winning Lay’s Potato Chip Naming Contest

ABANDON CHIP! DEPT.

Have you ever thought, “Boy, I wish I had a shot at deciding the flavor of some new potato chip that’s sure to underperform and be discontinued!”? Well, with Lays’ “Do Us a Flavor” contest, that passing thought can become a mediocre reality! They’re giving a million dollars to the lucky schlub who comes up with the best new potato chip flavor. (A million dollars?

Other Demands George Zimmerman Made to Appear on "The View"

GOON WITH THE VIEW DEPT.

George Zimmerman, the man accused of killing an unarmed Florida teenager, dropped plans for a second television interview on The View after ABC would not provide a month of “shelter and security” for his family, his attorney said Thursday. What the attorney did not say was that “shelter and security” were only two of the demands made by his client. In fact, Zimmerman had so many demands that insiders say Barbara Walters’ panties were really twisted in a knot. Eewww…

Which U.S. Job Areas are Growing (and Which are Shrinking)

UNEMPLOYS THE THING DEPT.

Today the U.S. Government released the latest job statistics, citing an 80,000 gain in jobs for the month of June. While at first glance these numbers make it appear as if the entire U.S. economy is at a virtual standstill, in fact there are many sectors within the job market where opportunities abound. Here is a breakdown of some of the job market's biggest growth areas, and a few of its most glaring losers.

Arizona’s New Official “Papers, Please” Document

BORDER FOLLY DEPT.

Today, the U.S. Supreme Court struck down much of the harsh immigration law signed by crackpot Arizona Governor Jan Brewer, but left in the controversial “Papers, please” provision allowing police to request documents verifying a civilian’s immigration status. Since we’ll be vacationing anywhere BUT Arizona this year, it won’t affect us, but we realize the rule could impact many who do travel there.

New Green Initiatives of the Ku Klux Klan

BOYS IN THE HOODS DEPT.

The Ku Klux Klan recently approached the state of Georgia about joining their “Adopt a Highway” program, claiming that their goal is to keep the mountains beautiful. While we appreciate the KKK going green, that’s probably not the first color they need to reconcile with. If the Klan succeeds, the people of Georgia can look forward to seeing their roads filled with less garbage...but much more white trash.

Other Ways the Nobel Committee Could Save Money

MEDALING IN THEIR AFFAIRS DEPT.

The Nobel Foundation, responsible for the distribution of the Nobel Prize, just announced that they’re cutting the amount of their prize from $1.4 million to a piddling $1.1 million! Although some have pondered getting rid of the ceremony altogether, what would be the point of acts of selflessness and charity if you weren’t rewarded with worldwide recognition and a large cash prize? Still, if the Nobel foundation REALLY wants to turn things around, it’s time to make these…

Why are Kanye West’s Nike Air Yeezys So Expensive?

SHOE GOOD TO BE TRUE DEPT.

On Saturday, the Air Yeezy 2 will go on sale with a bonkers price tag of $245. But prices on eBay for the Nike/Kanye West collaboration have skyrocketed, with a pair reportedly pre-selling for over 350% of their retail value! That’s almost as inflated as Kanye’s ego! The amount of money people are willing to shell out for the sneakers points either to an economy that is finally getting stronger, or (more likely) that people are just getting dumber.

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