It’s official: the flu has now reached epidemic proportions. So before the MAD staff all goes home with fake symptoms, we present…
Taking a cue from Westchester County’s Journal News, which recently published the names and addresses of gun permit-holders in Westchester and Rockland Counties, MAD boldly uses this same exposé technique to focus attention on another problem afflicting Americans of all ages: tooth decay among gum owners. How bad is the situation in your neighborhood? We begin today with a look at the very same area that the Journal News used for their controversial map.
The makers of 5-hour Energy have come under Federal Trade Commission scrutiny for their false claim that their product produces “no crash.” That scrutiny will surely increase when the FTC learns of the company's latest concoction.
Abraham Lincoln once said “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” And after a week of silence regarding the tragic shootings in Newtown, CT, the NRA learned that lesson the hard way. This afternoon, NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre held a press conference where he suggested that having armed guards in all schools would prevent something like Newtown from happening again. He also claimed that guns weren’t responsible for gun violence — rather, it was movies, videogames, music and the media that was at fault. We can’t wait to see who he blames for his terrible performance.
Today the country’s unemployment rate fell to its lowest level in four years. Great news! But just what type of jobs have some of the chronically-unemployed been able to get? We sent our inquiring photographer out to the streets of North Carolina to find out!
Hey, kids, let’s do this by the numbers: 1) Sheldon Stephens, a 23-year-old man declares that when he was 16, he had sex with Kevin Clash, the voice and Muppeteer of Sesame Street's Elmo. 2) Stephens later recants his story and says they had sex when he was over 18. 3) We find out he recanted his story only after he received $125,000 from Clash. 4) Stephens then recanted his recant and says his original claim is true! Phew, that’s a lot of numbers! We don’t know whose story is true yet, but today’s post is brought to you by the letters OMFG!
In the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy, many gas stations are still closed, and the ones that are open have huge lines, with cars backed up for hours just to get a few gallons of gas! (And you can just forget about using that complimentary squeegee anytime soon!) But as you’re sitting there, patiently waiting your turn, the least we can do is offer some suggestions for how you can pass the time.
Artist: Richard Williams (with a healthy amount of tinkering by the MAD Art Dept.)