Information about Paul Ryan Now Being Spread by Democrats

LEGENDS OF THE PAUL DEPT.

Over the weekend Mitt Romney announced that his vice presidential running mate would be Paul Ryan, a U.S. Representative from Wisconsin’s 1st District. Not that much is known about Paul (especially if you’re not into reading newspapers or researching things). So aside from the fact that his last name is also a first name (crazy!), we weren’t sure what to expect from The Man Who Would Be Veep. Luckily, we stumbled across this…

MAD Exclusive: The Prayer Mitt Romney Left in Israel's Wailing Wall

MITTSHUGGAH DEPT.

Recently presumptive presidential nominee Mitt Romney made a holy pilgrimage to Jerusalem, where, just like any other divinely-inspired traveler, he was immediately showered with over a million dollars in campaign donations. Romney even visited the Wailing Wall — world-renowned for its cracks packed with the written prayers of visitors. Always respectful of local customs (and the opportunity to sway impressionable Jewish-American voters), Mitt stuffed in a prayer of his own. The Idiotical has an exclusive look at what Romney wrote on his slip of paper. Don’t believe us?

Emerging Details From North Korea Leader Kim Jong Un’s Recent Wedding

UN-TRUE LOVE DEPT.

Today it was announced that recently-appointed North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has entered the bonds of holy matrimony. Not much is known about the wife, Ri Sol-Ju, besides the fact that she has a thing for round, frowning despots. Although North Korea is a notoriously secretive country, details of the wedding spectacular still seem to be leaking through. Maybe Kim’s drunk uncle Frank accidentally went on a rant to the press. Maybe the wedding cake had a delicious, wire-tap center.

What is Mitt Romney Hiding in His Tax Returns?

MANY CRAPPY RETURNS DEPT.

There are lots of things politicians try to hide when running for office: ideological flip- flopping, past drug use, a proclivity for Miley Cyrus tunes. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg! Presidential candidate Willard “Mitt” Romney also recently tried to shield his precious tax returns, only allowing those from 2010 and 2011 to be seen by prying eyes. What’s there to hide, Mitt? Off-shore accounts? Dubious campaign contributions? A couple of drunken Walmart purchases? Just spill it already!

Obamacare Stands: Music to Liberals’ Ears

FULL COURT MESS DEPT.

The Supreme Court upheld Obamacare today — but NOT along the usual 5-4 split as “experts” predicted. The usual “swing vote,” Justice Kennedy, agreed with reliable right-wing gasbags Scalia, Thomas and Alito. But Chief Justice Roberts punk’d his conservative colleagues by voting with reliable left-wing gasbags Kagan, Kennedy, Sotomayor and Ginsburg.

The Real Reasons John Edwards and Rielle Hunter Split Up

A HAIR TO REMEMBER DEPT.

John Edwards and Rielle Hunter recently announced that they’re ending their relationship. This marks the end of an era of cheating and lies — unless, of course, Edwards decides to reenter politics. Although many claim that Hunter’s newly-released, tell-all memoir was the reason for the split, we just aren’t buying it (the claim or the book).

Things the Supreme Court’s Obamacare Ruling WON’T Change

THE ILL OF THE PEOPLE DEPT.

This Thursday, the Supreme Court will rule on the legality of Obamacare — and while everyone from pundits to politicians to the average underinsured schmoe awaits the verdict anxiously, the truth is that no matter what the court decides, there’s plenty about our crummy healthcare system that will stay exactly the same.  

Arizona’s New Official “Papers, Please” Document

BORDER FOLLY DEPT.

Today, the U.S. Supreme Court struck down much of the harsh immigration law signed by crackpot Arizona Governor Jan Brewer, but left in the controversial “Papers, please” provision allowing police to request documents verifying a civilian’s immigration status. Since we’ll be vacationing anywhere BUT Arizona this year, it won’t affect us, but we realize the rule could impact many who do travel there.

Al-Qaeda's Ayman al-Zawahri Starring in "Drone Alone"

TURBAN LEGEND DEPT.

President Obama’s relentless drone attacks on top Al-Qaeda members have made a real impact, systematically wiping out the top echelon of the terrorist network. Most recently, a missile took out the group’s “number two” man, Abu Yahya al-Libi. And although Abu now gets to live the good (after)life with 72 virgins, he leaves behind the last known leader (and perhaps last remaining member) of Al-Qaeda, Ayman al-Zawahri.

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