AWARDS TO THE UNWISE DEPT.
TO ELLEN BACK DEPT.
NOMINEE-JERK REACTION DEPT.
It was announced yesterday that Family Guy and Ted artiste Seth MacFarlane will for some reason host the 2013 Oscars. While he can’t possibly be as bad as James Franco, Anne Hathaway or Billy Crystal, look for him to put his own unwelcome stamp on the ceremony.
The Artist won a stunning five Oscars on Sunday, including Best Picture, Best Actor, and Best Director — but the French film still lags behind insipid garbage like This Means War, Journey 2: The Mysterious Island, and Ghost Rider: Nicolas Cage’s Flamin’ Spittle. In fact, the only way that The Artist might gain traction in American multiplexes is if it’s dumbed down a bit — in other words, less think, more stink.
The Oscars are this Sunday night — and by now all the nominees have already scored their free tuxedos, gowns and jewelry from designers desperate to have their names mentioned on the red carpet. All that’s left for them to do is to score some sedatives for the big night and finish writing their acceptance speeches...unless you’re Glenn Close. Sorry, G.C., but you don’t stand a chance in hell with that stupid cross-dressing movie! 15 years of planning for that?!?! Seriously?!? You made TWO 101 Dalmatian movies in just four years!
The odds-on favorite to win Best Picture at this Sunday’s Academy Awards is The Artist —the silent, black-and-white French film that has been seen by as many as seven dozen American moviegoers. But if it wins the Oscar, its profile is sure to rise — which is why we were thrilled to get our hands on these just-leaked, eminently quotable outtakes.