BEER’S JOHNNY DEPT.
BEER’S JOHNNY DEPT.
EVERY MUSHROOM CLOUD HAS A SILVER LINING DEPT.
APE FEAR DEPT.
North Korea’s supreme leader, the pudgy, 30-year-old Kim Jong Un, keeps issuing nuclear threats from his crumbling peninsula (when he’s not entertaining semi-forgotten NBA rebounders, of course) — threatening to attack South Korea, the United States, and possibly parts of Guam. While nobody’s quite sure how seriously to take this guy, one thing is for certain: the whole ridiculous episode is starting to feel like a bad movie.
GOOD SWILL AMBASSADOR DEPT.
Today it was announced that recently-appointed North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has entered the bonds of holy matrimony. Not much is known about the wife, Ri Sol-Ju, besides the fact that she has a thing for round, frowning despots. Although North Korea is a notoriously secretive country, details of the wedding spectacular still seem to be leaking through. Maybe Kim’s drunk uncle Frank accidentally went on a rant to the press. Maybe the wedding cake had a delicious, wire-tap center.
Yesterday, a rocket launched by North Korea went kablooey (which is NOT a Korean word meaning “successfully into space”!) The failure left the country’s leaders with egg on their faces — which, tragically, for millions of starving North Koreans, is as close to a meal as they’ll get! It’s not surprising that the rocket blew apart, considering where it came from...
The internet has been flooded with photos of thousands of North Koreans gathering to mourn the passing of their dear leader Kim Jong Il. But is that really why all these people are crying? Turns out, no, it’s not.
North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il died over the weekend. According to state television, the departed great leader will continue to work for his starving people, now as fertilizer to help grow crops. The ruthless, paranoid dictator leaves behind a son, Kim Jong Un, 8 nuclear missiles and 14 pairs of elevator shoes.