MISTAKING JAMES DEPT.
Washington Wizards reserve center Jason Collins made history this week when he announced that he was gay — becoming the first active, openly-gay NBA player. We completely support Collins’ brave choice to go public — but, c’mon, he’s a fifth-stringer for the Washington Wizards. It’s a cover story for Sports Illustrated, for crying out loud! If they really wanted to move some issues, they should have gone for some bigger star power.
WINNER IS COMING DEPT.
The Miami Heat have won 26 games in a row! (Not to be confused with the Charlotte Bobcats — who had 26 people in the stands at their last game.) Right now, the Heat are on pace to beat the Lakers’ 33-game winning streak to have the longest winning streak in NBA history! And even though we’d love to root for a scrappy underdog like LeBron, we have a terrible feeling that it’s not going to happen.
BLASTER OF CEREMONIES DEPT.
LeBron James recently sent out a “save the date” for his upcoming wedding. Weirdly, this coincides with another happy occasion — Hugo Chavez’s funeral! So even though the events are worlds apart, we couldn’t help but notice…
GOOD SWILL AMBASSADOR DEPT.
Who do you think the first American to meet with North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Un would be? The Secretary of State? Our U.N. Ambassador? How about ex-basketball wacko and noted hair color and piercing enthusiast Dennis Rodman? After watching basketball and eating sushi together, Rodman said he thought Un was a "great guy,” even though the teeny despot is a known human rights violator. (Rodman may not have noticed that, since he is used to dealing with NBA team owners!) An incoherent interview with ABC’s George Stephanopoulos by Rodman cinched the notion that he and Un are cut from the same cloth — a mentally-challenged, clownbird crazy cloth.
On Sunday, Michael Jordan is turning 50! What do you get the aging man who has everything? Some fine arch support and sumptuously-cushioned insoles, that’s what!
After starting the season 1-4, the L.A. Lakers dumped their coach, Mike Brown, and interviewed — who else? — Phil Jackson for the job. With more NBA championship rings than he has fingers, Jackson was the clear favorite. But things didn’t quite work out and no one is quite sure why — except us!
Although the final decision won’t be made until 2013-2014, it’s looking like the NBA is going to start putting corporate logos on team jerseys. Who knows — with this new revenue stream, maybe the league can finally pay LeBron a proper salary (The man has a family to feed, dammit)! On the downside, though, once you start messing with sponsors, things can easily get out of hand. It’s a slope that’s more slippery than a ball slathered with Dirk Nowitzki’s goatee sweat!
With Jeremy Lin now leaving the Big Apple for Houston, fans of the New York Knicks, who haven’t won an NBA title since the end of the Vietnam War, are filled with meLINncholy. But many others aren’t taking the news so hard.
Ever since he started playing, LeBron James has been compared to Michael Jordan. But there was one big difference between the two players: Jordan had actually won a freakin’ championship! But after the Miami Heat’s victory last night, LeBron’s hands are ring-free no more! It turns out, however, that that is just the tip of the iceberg! When comparing these two players, the parallels and divergences are as nuanced and intriguing as the plotline to one of MJ’s Hanes commercials.
"Father O' Flannity's Hot Tub Confessions" is by Keith Knight!
From MAD #465, May 2006
To read more "Father O' Flannity's Hot Tub Confessions", click here! And to read more comics from The MAD Strip Club, click here!
