REESE IN PIECES DEPT.
When Reese Witherspoon’s husband was pulled over for DUI over the weekend, she acted as any normal human being would: by pulling out her fading “celebrity card,” informing the officer that he was “about to find out who I am.” Despite an apology today — in which she blamed her rant on “one drink too many” — it’s now pretty clear exactly who she is.
MAGNUM FARCE DEPT.
Yesterday, spineless Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid refused to put up for a vote a bill that would ban assault weapons.
He claimed the bill didn’t have the necessary support to pass. But by shamelessly not putting it up for a vote, even if it were doomed to defeat, he gave himself and all his gutless, NRA-owned Democratic colleagues political coverage. He went ahead and made Wayne LaPierre’s day.
CLASSIC MAD DEPT.
APE FEAR DEPT.
North Korea’s supreme leader, the pudgy, 30-year-old Kim Jong Un, keeps issuing nuclear threats from his crumbling peninsula (when he’s not entertaining semi-forgotten NBA rebounders, of course) — threatening to attack South Korea, the United States, and possibly parts of Guam. While nobody’s quite sure how seriously to take this guy, one thing is for certain: the whole ridiculous episode is starting to feel like a bad movie.
GOOD SWILL AMBASSADOR DEPT.
Who do you think the first American to meet with North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Un would be? The Secretary of State? Our U.N. Ambassador? How about ex-basketball wacko and noted hair color and piercing enthusiast Dennis Rodman? After watching basketball and eating sushi together, Rodman said he thought Un was a "great guy,” even though the teeny despot is a known human rights violator. (Rodman may not have noticed that, since he is used to dealing with NBA team owners!) An incoherent interview with ABC’s George Stephanopoulos by Rodman cinched the notion that he and Un are cut from the same cloth — a mentally-challenged, clownbird crazy cloth.
NRA honchos Wayne LaPierre and David Keene have been in the news lately steadfastly opposing any new gun control legislation. Whether they’re suggesting armed guards in schools, or saying Obama thinks his kids are better than yours (which, to be fair, they probably are...), every time they open their mouths, these two doofs set back the dialogue. On the upside, with their laughable defenses, if the NRA ever lets them go, they should think about going pro in comedy!
Over the weekend, “Gangnam Style” by South Korean pop star PSY became YouTube’s most viewed video of all time, taking the #1 spot from “Baby” by Justin Bieber. Unseating Beebs is HUGE news — since it proves that Canada isn’t the only foreign country that can export an annoying song by a stupidly-dressed, prancing moron with ridiculous hair. PSY has become a sensation, appearing everywhere from Ellen, to SNL, to the American Music Awards. It seems like it’s only a matter of time until he takes a stab at movies.
Republican New Jersey Governor Chris Christie recently said this about President Obama: “He’s like a man wandering around a dark room…clutching for the light switch of leadership, and he just can’t find it.” Yesterday, after Obama rushed to New Jersey's aid in the wake of Hurricane Sandy, Christie said: “It’s been very good working with the president…It’s been wonderful.” Faster than it took to flood lower Manhattan, the Gov and Prez were suddenly BFFs and seen hugging each other repeatedly on national television. Who knows where this relationship is going?
