Which U.S. Job Areas are Growing (and Which are Shrinking)

UNEMPLOYS THE THING DEPT.

Today the U.S. Government released the latest job statistics, citing an 80,000 gain in jobs for the month of June. While at first glance these numbers make it appear as if the entire U.S. economy is at a virtual standstill, in fact there are many sectors within the job market where opportunities abound. Here is a breakdown of some of the job market's biggest growth areas, and a few of its most glaring losers.

Things You Could Have Done with $38 Instead of Buying a Share of Facebook Stock

AN UNFAIR SHARE DEPT.

As shares of Facebook stock continue to fall, many investors are now wringing their hands, ruing the day they paid a whopping $38 per share for Facebook’s Initial Public Offering. With billions lost and the stock now down over 20%, all that investors can do is weep uncontrollably and think about all the great things they could have spent that money on. 

Cheap Jokes That Lesser Humor Sites are Making About Mark Zuckerberg's Wedding Night

MARITAL STATUS UPDATE DEPT.

Over the weekend Facebook founder (and our eventual dark overlord) Mark Zuckerberg got married to his college sweetheart. And that got us thinking about what happens after the wedding. You know...paying the caterers! Hold on, what were YOU thinking of?!? Gross! Apparently, not everyone is as high-minded and mature as we are — which is why we shamefully point out these...

A Sneak Peek at the Facebook Stock Certificate

POSTING ON YOUR WALL STREET DEPT.

Facebook is going public this week, which means you can now buy stock in the company! Well, YOU can’t — the stocks are extremely sought after and you have to be pretty well-connected to get your hands on them. And let’s face facts — if you’re reading the MAD website, you’re probably not well-connected. (Hell, you’re lucky just to be internet-connected). So since we’ll never see one in person, we’re giving a sneak peek of what the actual stock certificates will look like! 

Click the image to make it bigger!

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