SYMBOL MINDED DEPT.
APE FEAR DEPT.
North Korea’s supreme leader, the pudgy, 30-year-old Kim Jong Un, keeps issuing nuclear threats from his crumbling peninsula (when he’s not entertaining semi-forgotten NBA rebounders, of course) — threatening to attack South Korea, the United States, and possibly parts of Guam. While nobody’s quite sure how seriously to take this guy, one thing is for certain: the whole ridiculous episode is starting to feel like a bad movie.
GOOD SWILL AMBASSADOR DEPT.
Who do you think the first American to meet with North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Un would be? The Secretary of State? Our U.N. Ambassador? How about ex-basketball wacko and noted hair color and piercing enthusiast Dennis Rodman? After watching basketball and eating sushi together, Rodman said he thought Un was a "great guy,” even though the teeny despot is a known human rights violator. (Rodman may not have noticed that, since he is used to dealing with NBA team owners!) An incoherent interview with ABC’s George Stephanopoulos by Rodman cinched the notion that he and Un are cut from the same cloth — a mentally-challenged, clownbird crazy cloth.
THE GREAT BLIGHT WAY DEPT.
In the shameful tradition of the debt ceiling and fiscal cliff debates comes yet another bipartisan stalemate that proves our government is completely and hopelessly incompetent — the Sequester! With Draconian cuts in the federal budget scheduled for Friday unless a deal is reached, the ongoing drama has all the elements of a terrible Broadway musical!
NRA honchos Wayne LaPierre and David Keene have been in the news lately steadfastly opposing any new gun control legislation. Whether they’re suggesting armed guards in schools, or saying Obama thinks his kids are better than yours (which, to be fair, they probably are...), every time they open their mouths, these two doofs set back the dialogue. On the upside, with their laughable defenses, if the NRA ever lets them go, they should think about going pro in comedy!