CONFESSIONS OF A COURTROOM DRAMA QUEEN DEPT.
When Lindsay Lohan yesterday accepted a plea deal for driving into a dump truck, part of the agreement was that she’d do 90 days of hard rehab. We’re not sure that this is going to help all that much, but at the very least, her latest legal episode will provide fodder for her big comeback movie.
Oh Lindsay. The full-time train-wreck (and acting hobbyist) was accused this week of stealing $100,000 worth of jewelry and sunglasses from a friend’s house. And it looked like she might actually have to face the music...until the victim decided he didn’t want to press charges. But that’s par for the course for Lohan, who’s suffered almost no repercussions for (ready?): multiple drunk driving arrests, a few alleged hit and runs, blowing off court dates and counseling appointments, failing drug and alcohol tests, and — oh yeah — being convicted FOR STEALING JEWELRY back in 2011! And we haven’t even mentioned the unforgiveable atrocity of making Herbie Fully Loaded! Somehow her crimes have no consequences. The whole thing is like one big game.
Last year, NBA thug Ron Artest changed his name to Metta World Peace in a heroic attempt to put his ugly and violent past behind him. It worked really well — at least until this past weekend, when “Metta World Peace” almost murdered James Harden with an elbow to the head. But why dwell on the negative? The important thing is that he changed his name to improve himself. We hope that others will follow his fine example and change their names as well.
Like most red-blooded America men, we rushed online when we heard that Lindsay’s Playboy photos had been leaked! But let’s just say that a part of us was more than a little disappointed when we learned that “Lindsay” was actually South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham. Ewww! Sad…Hef must really be losing it.
After failing to follow through on her community service, Lindsay Lohan has been sentenced to janitor duty in the L.A. County Morgue. Here's what she can expect to encounter, in this classic article from Don Martin and Don "Duck" Edwing.
From MAD #273, September 1987
Writer: Don "Duck" Edwing
Artist: Don Martin
