APE FEAR DEPT.
North Korea’s supreme leader, the pudgy, 30-year-old Kim Jong Un, keeps issuing nuclear threats from his crumbling peninsula (when he’s not entertaining semi-forgotten NBA rebounders, of course) — threatening to attack South Korea, the United States, and possibly parts of Guam. While nobody’s quite sure how seriously to take this guy, one thing is for certain: the whole ridiculous episode is starting to feel like a bad movie.
GOOD SWILL AMBASSADOR DEPT.
Who do you think the first American to meet with North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Un would be? The Secretary of State? Our U.N. Ambassador? How about ex-basketball wacko and noted hair color and piercing enthusiast Dennis Rodman? After watching basketball and eating sushi together, Rodman said he thought Un was a "great guy,” even though the teeny despot is a known human rights violator. (Rodman may not have noticed that, since he is used to dealing with NBA team owners!) An incoherent interview with ABC’s George Stephanopoulos by Rodman cinched the notion that he and Un are cut from the same cloth — a mentally-challenged, clownbird crazy cloth.
Today it was announced that recently-appointed North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has entered the bonds of holy matrimony. Not much is known about the wife, Ri Sol-Ju, besides the fact that she has a thing for round, frowning despots. Although North Korea is a notoriously secretive country, details of the wedding spectacular still seem to be leaking through. Maybe Kim’s drunk uncle Frank accidentally went on a rant to the press. Maybe the wedding cake had a delicious, wire-tap center. Or maybe some blabbermouth guest just live tweeted the whole thing! However the news got out, here are some…
Yesterday, a rocket launched by North Korea went kablooey (which is NOT a Korean word meaning “successfully into space”!) The failure left the country’s leaders with egg on their faces — which, tragically, for millions of starving North Koreans, is as close to a meal as they’ll get! It’s not surprising that the rocket blew apart, considering where it came from...
