JUICETICE IS BLIND DEPT.
O.J. Simpson is currently arguing before a judge that he should be freed from jail because his lawyer botched his 2008 trial for armed robbery and kidnapping. (Poor guy — he can’t get away with anything!) His new lawyers will present 19 reasons why the Juice should be let loose — and we managed to get our hands on a few!
This week, death row inmate Ronald Post made news when he claimed that at 480 pounds, he was too fat to be executed without it being a “torturous and lingering death.” Now don’t get us wrong — the last thing we’d ever want is for a convicted killer to suffer in any way. But it does raise some interesting points. How fat is too fat? Is our nation’s prison system in need of reform? Will this news story allow us to make a whole bunch of fat jokes? We hope to answer at least one of those questions with...
Artist: Al Jaffee
Oh Lindsay. The full-time train-wreck (and acting hobbyist) was accused this week of stealing $100,000 worth of jewelry and sunglasses from a friend’s house. And it looked like she might actually have to face the music...until the victim decided he didn’t want to press charges. But that’s par for the course for Lohan, who’s suffered almost no repercussions for (ready?): multiple drunk driving arrests, a few alleged hit and runs, blowing off court dates and counseling appointments, failing drug and alcohol tests, and — oh yeah — being convicted FOR STEALING JEWELRY back in 2011! And we haven’t even mentioned the unforgiveable atrocity of making Herbie Fully Loaded! Somehow her crimes have no consequences. The whole thing is like one big game.
