The Real Reasons John Edwards and Rielle Hunter Split Up

A HAIR TO REMEMBER DEPT.

John Edwards and Rielle Hunter recently announced that they’re ending their relationship. This marks the end of an era of cheating and lies — unless, of course, Edwards decides to reenter politics. Although many claim that Hunter’s newly-released, tell-all memoir was the reason for the split, we just aren’t buying it (the claim or the book).

Things the Supreme Court’s Obamacare Ruling WON’T Change

THE ILL OF THE PEOPLE DEPT.

This Thursday, the Supreme Court will rule on the legality of Obamacare — and while everyone from pundits to politicians to the average underinsured schmoe awaits the verdict anxiously, the truth is that no matter what the court decides, there’s plenty about our crummy healthcare system that will stay exactly the same.  

Arizona’s New Official “Papers, Please” Document

BORDER FOLLY DEPT.

Today, the U.S. Supreme Court struck down much of the harsh immigration law signed by crackpot Arizona Governor Jan Brewer, but left in the controversial “Papers, please” provision allowing police to request documents verifying a civilian’s immigration status. Since we’ll be vacationing anywhere BUT Arizona this year, it won’t affect us, but we realize the rule could impact many who do travel there.

Similarities and Differences Between LeBron James and Michael Jordan

AIR APPARENT DEPT.

Ever since he started playing, LeBron James has been compared to Michael Jordan. But there was one big difference between the two players: Jordan had actually won a freakin’ championship! But after the Miami Heat’s victory last night, LeBron’s hands are ring-free no more! It turns out, however, that that is just the tip of the iceberg! When comparing these two players, the parallels and divergences are as nuanced and intriguing as the plotline to one of MJ’s Hanes commercials.  

How Hot is it in New York City?

SCHVITZ HAPPENS DEPT.

Here in New York, local weatherpeople are saying that for the next few days, temperatures will get into the upper nineties, with humidity making it feel more like a brain-melting 105°. Sure, that’s plenty hot — but how hot is it, really?

Roger Clemens Hall of Fame Plaque Revealed

ASTERISK AND REWARD DEPT.

Legendary baseball fraud Roger Clemens beat the steroid-perjury rap yesterday when a jury declared him innocent of lying to Congress — thereby boosting his chances of getting into to the Hall of Fame from “zero” to “hopelessly remote.” On the off chance that he does make it, here’s the plaque that awaits him in Cooperstown.

Lance Armstrong's Bloody Problem

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN, LANCE? DEPT.

The US Anti-Doping Agency has once again leveled doping charges against that dope Lance Armstrong, accusing him of altering his blood samples to cover up use of performance-enhancing substances, including EPO and testosterone. If found guilty, he can be stripped of his seven Tour De France titles and be barred from future competition.

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