Information about Paul Ryan Now Being Spread by Democrats

LEGENDS OF THE PAUL DEPT.

Over the weekend Mitt Romney announced that his vice presidential running mate would be Paul Ryan, a U.S. Representative from Wisconsin’s 1st District. Not that much is known about Paul (especially if you’re not into reading newspapers or researching things). So aside from the fact that his last name is also a first name (crazy!), we weren’t sure what to expect from The Man Who Would Be Veep. Luckily, we stumbled across this…

Reasons July was the Hottest Month Ever

ALL YOU CAN HEAT DEPT.

The numbers are in, and — wait for it — July was the hottest month ever recorded in the United States! (We weren’t asking you to “wait for it” for dramatic reasons; we just needed to wipe our sweat-drenched foreheads and chug a two-liter bottle of Gatorade “Turquoise Permafrost”!) We did conduct an exhaustive study, however, and discovered the…

Reasons Why Google Has Delayed Its Nexus Q Streaming Device

BOULEVARD OF BROKEN STREAMS DEPT.

Google was pretty excited about their “answer” to Apple TV — the Nexus Q. So it was surprising when the cyber-behemoth announced that it was suspending the launch of the media streaming doodad…indefinitely. Reps said they wanted to take time out to make it “even better,” which shouldn’t be hard, given that the Nexus Q can only stream content from Google Music, Google Play, and (Google-owned) YouTube.

Things You Can Learn from The Learning Channel’s New Show — "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo"

OH, THE PLACES YOU’LL GO GO DEPT.

Tonight, TLC introduces its newest epic Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo, a gag-inducing spin-off of Toddlers & Tiaras. The show revolves around six-year-old pageant contestant Alana Thompson (Honey Boo-Boo) as she frantically runs into things, squawks with the inflection of a bad Madea impersonator and chugs Go-Go Juice (a child-friendly beverage made by combining Mountain Dew and Red Bull).

Surprising Features on the Mars Rover Curiosity

UP, UP AND A WASTE! DEPT.

This week in Mars news, the NASA rover “Curiosity” (also the name of a new perfume for cats) successfully landed on the red planet. The mission, which has been in the works since 2004, cost about 2.5 billion dollars! While our sources tell us about a tenth of that money was spent getting all 18,800 NASA employees “Curiosity” windbreakers, the rest went to building the actual spacecraft.

Flavors That Won’t Be Winning Lay’s Potato Chip Naming Contest

ABANDON CHIP! DEPT.

Have you ever thought, “Boy, I wish I had a shot at deciding the flavor of some new potato chip that’s sure to underperform and be discontinued!”? Well, with Lays’ “Do Us a Flavor” contest, that passing thought can become a mediocre reality! They’re giving a million dollars to the lucky schlub who comes up with the best new potato chip flavor. (A million dollars?

The Snoop Lion Thing

WHO AM I (WHAT’S MY MANE)? DEPT

From Puff Daddy (P. Diddy, Diddy) to Ol’ Dirty Bastard (Dirt McGirt, Big Baby Jesus, Lionel P. Fancypants), there is a long tradition of rappers changing their names for no particular reason.  But it was still a shock to learn earlier this week that Snoop Dogg had changed his name to “Snoop Lion” — especially since he did it at the urging of a Jamaican priest, and from now on will perform only reggae, not hip hop. The whole thing is so dramatic and bizarre that it’s worthy of its own Broadway musical!

Other Ways Olympic Badminton Teams Were Cheating

IT'S A BIRDIE JOB... DEPT.

In the fierce, dog-eat-dog world of competitive badminton, sometimes you’ve just gotta cheat to get ahead. At least that’s what the Olympic teams from China, Indonesia, and South Korea thought when they deliberately lost their matches in order to improve their next-round placement.

How Are You Celebrating Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day?

CHICKEN BELITTLED DEPT.

Lately, Chick-fil-A’s been in the fryer, after company President Dan Cathy came out in opposition to gay marriage. While many have lambasted his stance, the prince of poultry still has plenty of advocates — folks like ex-Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee, who even went so far as to declare today “Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day.” To find out what people were doing to commemorate this ridiculous “holiday”, we took to the streets and asked around.

Similarities Between "Modern Family" and the Jackson Family

THE PRODIGAL JACKSON RETURNS DEPT.

The Jackson Family has been through a lot. First Grandma Katherine went missing. Then she turned up. But she wound up losing custody of Michael’s three kids. And all the uncles and aunts are fighting about who’d have custody. (Yes, even Tito!) And Michael’s kids were tweeting accusations and complaints about the whole mess. At this point, the Jackson who’s in the best shape may be Michael! Anyway, all this family drama got us thinking about another ridiculous family that’s been in the news lately.

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