THE SAME GAME DEPT.
THE LITTLE SEARCH ENGINE THAT COULDN’T DEPT.
This morning, portions of the southwest were unable to access Google and all its services (Gmail, Google Plus, YouTube, etc). And while it only lasted about an hour, that was plenty of time for people to overreact (and rush to be the first to Tweet about the difficulties of Googling “Why is Google down?” Hilarious!) Once the smoke cleared and things were back on track, we decide to take a look at the most common Google searches on the near-Armageddon.
AIRPORT INTERMINABLE DEPT.
UH-OH SILVER! DEPT.
Disney’s big summer movie, The Lone Ranger, opened last week — and although it got savaged by the critics, it made up for those poor reviews by getting absolutely demolished at the box office by Despicable Me. Since nobody gave a sweet kemosabe about the masked man, maybe the filmmakers would’ve done better if they’d mooched off the success of an actual hit…
ALL FIREWORKS AND NO PLAY DEPT.
LIVING IN CINEMA DEPT.
GOING THROUGH AN AWKWARD FACE DEPT.
ANIMAL HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES DEPT.
Today, the interest rate for subsidized Stafford college loans doubled from 3.4% to 6.8%, all due to (ready for it?) an inability by DC legislators to simply extend the current lower rate. The increase will add hundreds or thousands more dollars to the already crippling costs of higher education for many lower and moderate income families. It’s so chilling, this classic dorm poster may need to be updated.
TIGHT END OF THE LINE DEPT.
Things keep getting worse for former New England Patriots star Aaron Hernandez, who is under investigation for a 2012 double murder in Boston at the same time a case proceeds against him for the murder of a “friend.” Virtually nobody is proclaiming Hernandez’s innocence, and he seems destined for a life of dirty bunkbeds and sharpened toothbrush handles. Is there anyone out there who can sympathize with this guy? Funny you should ask…
DEEN OF ADMISSIONS DEPT.
Since Paula Deen’s admission that she used a racially insensitive word, her endorsement deals have been drying up faster than a double-breaded chicken breast deep fried in oil for 3 to 5 days. Her fall from grace reminds us of that of another southern belle from deep in the heart of Dixie.