This week in Mars news, the NASA rover “Curiosity” (also the name of a new perfume for cats) successfully landed on the red planet. The mission, which has been in the works since 2004, cost about 2.5 billion dollars! While our sources tell us about a tenth of that money was spent getting all 18,800 NASA employees “Curiosity” windbreakers, the rest went to building the actual spacecraft.
Have you ever thought, “Boy, I wish I had a shot at deciding the flavor of some new potato chip that’s sure to underperform and be discontinued!”? Well, with Lays’ “Do Us a Flavor” contest, that passing thought can become a mediocre reality! They’re giving a million dollars to the lucky schlub who comes up with the best new potato chip flavor. (A million dollars?
From Puff Daddy (P. Diddy, Diddy) to Ol’ Dirty Bastard (Dirt McGirt, Big Baby Jesus, Lionel P. Fancypants), there is a long tradition of rappers changing their names for no particular reason. But it was still a shock to learn earlier this week that Snoop Dogg had changed his name to “Snoop Lion” — especially since he did it at the urging of a Jamaican priest, and from now on will perform only reggae, not hip hop. The whole thing is so dramatic and bizarre that it’s worthy of its own Broadway musical!
In the fierce, dog-eat-dog world of competitive badminton, sometimes you’ve just gotta cheat to get ahead. At least that’s what the Olympic teams from China, Indonesia, and South Korea thought when they deliberately lost their matches in order to improve their next-round placement.
Lately, Chick-fil-A’s been in the fryer, after company President Dan Cathy came out in opposition to gay marriage. While many have lambasted his stance, the prince of poultry still has plenty of advocates — folks like ex-Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee, who even went so far as to declare today “Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day.” To find out what people were doing to commemorate this ridiculous “holiday”, we took to the streets and asked around.
The Jackson Family has been through a lot. First Grandma Katherine went missing. Then she turned up. But she wound up losing custody of Michael’s three kids. And all the uncles and aunts are fighting about who’d have custody. (Yes, even Tito!) And Michael’s kids were tweeting accusations and complaints about the whole mess. At this point, the Jackson who’s in the best shape may be Michael! Anyway, all this family drama got us thinking about another ridiculous family that’s been in the news lately.
Recently presumptive presidential nominee Mitt Romney made a holy pilgrimage to Jerusalem, where, just like any other divinely-inspired traveler, he was immediately showered with over a million dollars in campaign donations. Romney even visited the Wailing Wall — world-renowned for its cracks packed with the written prayers of visitors. Always respectful of local customs (and the opportunity to sway impressionable Jewish-American voters), Mitt stuffed in a prayer of his own. The Idiotical has an exclusive look at what Romney wrote on his slip of paper. Don’t believe us?
Yesterday, Twilight star and professional pouter Kristen Stewart admitted to a fling with her Snow White and the Huntsman director, Rupert Sanders. Her on- and off-screen beau, Robert Pattinson, was crushed by this news, as was Stewart’s legion of pre-teen fans who finally got a glimpse at a harsh reality of love that vampire books can never fully illustrate.
Today it was announced that recently-appointed North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has entered the bonds of holy matrimony. Not much is known about the wife, Ri Sol-Ju, besides the fact that she has a thing for round, frowning despots. Although North Korea is a notoriously secretive country, details of the wedding spectacular still seem to be leaking through. Maybe Kim’s drunk uncle Frank accidentally went on a rant to the press. Maybe the wedding cake had a delicious, wire-tap center.
Although the final decision won’t be made until 2013-2014, it’s looking like the NBA is going to start putting corporate logos on team jerseys. Who knows — with this new revenue stream, maybe the league can finally pay LeBron a proper salary (The man has a family to feed, dammit)! On the downside, though, once you start messing with sponsors, things can easily get out of hand.