Elite Press Attacks Newt Gingrich

Fresh on the heels of last night’s CNN debate, where moderator John King asked Newt Gingrich about allegations that he wanted an open marriage, and Gingrich responded with a blistering charge that the liberal media was attacking him while protecting Obama, this explosive newspaper appeared on newsstands this morning. We always thought the former House Speaker was an egotistical, paranoid blowhard. And after reading this, we’re more convinced than ever.

Rick Perry’s Nationally-Televised Brain-Fart

During the last Republican presidential debate, Governor Perry experienced an awkward, impressively lengthy brain-freeze when he tried to name the three federal agencies he’d abolish if (and that’s an increasingly huge “if”) he became president. Don’t sweat it, Ricky — it happens to all of us, and no one is immune. On the other hand, if he can’t make it as President (and that’s an increasingly small “if”), he can always start writing children’s books.

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